


I Wanna Be Adored

by orphan_account



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Billy Hargrove Being an Asshole, Billy Hargrove Needs a Hug, Billy Hargrove Redemption, Billy and Max are improving their relationship as siblings, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Brotherly Steve Harrington & Dustin Henderson, Canon Compliant, Closeted Billy Hargrove, Closeted Character, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Billy Hargrove, Harringrove, Hook-Up, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insecure Steve Harrington, Light Smut, M/M, Mentions of AIDs crisis, Minor Violence, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, Tenderness, but that's later, in the emotional sense, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-08-11 04:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20147611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Let’s go. Right now.” Billy leaned in further. “I’ll even let you have the first hit.”“I am not going to fight you.”“What, 'cause you're too much of a pussy?”“No, because I’m not gonna, alright?”Billy didn’t back away.They were so close, Steve could practically taste Billy’s breath - mint gum.Exactly like his fucking dream.In which Steve and Billy find themselves hooking up in the boys locker room at the end of senior year for reasons they refuse to acknowledge.





	1. Go the Extra Mile

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT: hey if ur Reading this this is lesbianferris of the future here to say I don’t exactly Love this work it was One of my first and I regularly consider deleting it so please proceed with that in mind hope u have a good day <3
> 
> For the past three days, I have eaten, slept, and breathed Harringrove. I would like to thank my art brain for snorting word-crack and banging most of this out in so little time. Summer is great because I can focus on whatever I want, and right now it's these dumb jocks finding love. I really just yeet myself into the vibes with these one.  
My dad talked to me for maybe three hours about the metal and hard rock he listened to in middle school and high school when I said I was writing more 80s fan fic. Also I had music video homework- it was awesome. I always try to have fun facts and Easter eggs in my work but hey I get things wrong! If you see and incorrect reference lmk and I'll fix it asap! As always, y'all have my heart.  
All my love,  
Gogo
> 
> P.S. Thanks to my lovely girlfriend for introducing me to this ship, convincing me to binge the new season, editing my chapters, and listening to me almost cry about Dacre Montgomery on a near daily basis.
> 
> as always, pin board and playlist below: 
> 
> https://pin.it/rnk7flyz4lp23s
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2OvUj6miWmF0VJClGUvmU1?si=2IdxxC-2RZO3czYQfrQHKw

Running the mile  _ would _ have been fine. PE was already at least a little stressful with Billy always there, staring him down, but today was just not Steve’s day. Billy had kept his distance for months, being baseline menacing from afar. Maybe Steve should just get Max to tranq him again. That might help stop the shoulder checking on every fucking lap of the stadium. But apparently Max’s reports of Billy’s shittiness had been on the rapid decline. 

Probably would have been less shitty if Steve had someone to talk to in PE, but nope. 

Steve had been steadily losing popularity once everyone found out he had gotten into a whopping zero schools. Prom had sucked, couldn't get a date. He just had to stand there and try not to watch Jonathan and Nancy having the time of their lives on the dancefloor. He stopped going to games altogether- basketball season was over anyway. The last month of school was just hearing about parties he wasn't getting invited to, and listening to his former close friends talk about colleges he hadn't gotten into. Nothing to do until summer. 

He spent progressively more time by himself or with the meathead kids. Sure he still got a lot of ‘hey’s in the hallway, but more often than not he was off campus for lunch, alone. 

Apparently it was normal to have less friends before college? ‘Cause you're supposed to go off and make more Grown Up friends. But this was not before college. This was before nothing. Before a life of minimum wage jobs maybe. Or alone-ness. 

Steve was snapped out of his depressing train of thought by a third shoulder check from Billy. So it was definitely intentional. 

Why couldn’t Steve just go the fuck home already?

His shoulder buzzed with a weird sort of discomfort. 

It didn't help that he'd been having wild as shit dreams about Billy for maybe a week. Like,  _ that _ kind of wild. And Billy, of all people! Why?!

He’d sort of assumed they were nightmares. Like, that had to be a bad thing, right? But they weren't… I don't know, disturbing? The way he’d thought they'd be. Like he wanted to sleep with Billy or something. But he remembered all the shit about dreams the kids had told him back in the first semester; your worst fear was supposed to be a common dream thing. So maybe feeling every individual muscle in Billy’s shoulders move under his fingertips as he murmured Steve’s name was his worst fear. Made sense.

Right? It should really bother him more than it did. But, like, it was a dream. You’re brain  _ literally _ just making shit up. 

Yeah, that made sense. 

It wasn’t like he had anything against gay people. Other than it seeming like, kinda weird, he didn’t think they should all die or anything, like he’d heard other people say. Seemed like people should do what they want, so long as they weren't hurting anyone. 

Didn’t hurt anyone to have dreams about his sworn enemy, the guy he’d lost a fight and title of king to. 

There was no shoulder check on the last lap though, so maybe Billy just needed to be a wad for half an hour and he’d leave Steve alone but back in the locker room Steve couldn’t stop thinking about his _stupid_ _dream_. Like what was up with _that_, brain? Why’d you have to go and make a day _worse-_

“What’re lookin at, Harrington?”

Steve realized he’d been staring too long in Billy’s direction. Fuck, so maybe he hadn’t cooled off.

“Nothing.” Steve shrugged.

No on else was even around, making Steve extra screwed. Billy looked him up and down, narrowing his eyes. Steve turned away, opening his locker to get space between them, pulling out his jacket. He closed it without looking up, though, bumping right into Billy as he stepped forward. 

“Fuck.” Steve mumbled

“What’s your problem Harrington?”

“It was an accident, man.”

“Was staring at me all tough an accident too? Want me to beat your ass a second time?” Billy leaned in. 

“Ok, you know, I don't have time for your tough guy act-” Steve made to leave.

“Nah, I’m serious.” Billy pushed Steve’s shoulder back against the locker. “Let’s go again.”

“C’mon, man-”   
“Let’s go. Right now.” Billy leaned in further. “I’ll even let you have the first hit.”

“I am not going to fight you.”   
“What, cause you're too much of a pussy?”

“No, because I’m not gonna, alright?”

Billy didn’t back away.

They were so close, Steve could practically taste Billy’s breath - mint gum. 

Exactly like his fucking dream. He must have licked his lips out of habit. It wasn't like it was on purpose, right? Steve wondered if it was the same part of the brain that told you to jump off cliffs and stuff; you didn't really want to, but you just kept thinking it. 

_ Kiss him.  _

_ What the fuck why? _

He had absolutely no idea which one of them leaned in only that he shut his eyes when he did.  _ Why? Why did you do that?  _ Billy tasted like mint gum and water and maybe cologne but also maybe just sweat.  _ What the fuck am I doing? _ It was maybe the hottest thing that Steve had ever done. Kissing Billy in the boys locker room but  _ holy shit _ . He’d just  _ kissed _ Billy in the boys locker room. Or had Billy kissed him? At any rate it took longer than made sense for either of them to pull away. How much time had passed? A split second? More? Billy stared at him, completely unmoving. Steve was sure he looked weirded out, too. Billy backed up too quickly to be anything other than totally confused. Then he grabbed his jacket and practically ran out of the boys locker room. Not even a threat to Steve, not a nod, not a word. Nothing. 

  
  


‘Take another shower’ was Steve’s first thought. Too much raced through his brain as he pulled into his driveway. His mom was back from her latest business trip but he barely even said hi. Shower. He could think and calm down and try to figure out what the actual  _ fuck _ just happpend. But a shower this time around only brought or confusion. 

He’d kissed girls.

A lot of girls. 

Very nice. 10 out of 10.

Sure gay people still kinda weirded him out- mostly because people said it should. But he’d kissed another guy. And honestly? 10 out of 10. Well, maybe like, 7.5 out of ten for being yelled at directly prior. 

Kissing Nancy was about the same toward the end of their relationship, though - a 7.5. 

5, at worst.

So, you know, in comparison-  _ holy shit _ yeah just compare kissing a girl to kissing a guy like no big deal, right?

Was he gay? No. Definitely not. But kissing Billy had been… cool. Like, really fucking cool. 

Come to think of it, there were a few guys he wouldn't mind being kissed by. David Lee Roth, for one. Not any other (former) Van Halen members, though. Well, maybe Eddie. But apparently he was a dick in person. 

Billy was a dick. With a chip on his shoulder and his stupid curly hair and oh yeah, did he forget to mention he’s from sunny California? 

California was basically Gayland anyway. Maybe Billy had kissed a guy before. Probably not. But like, what if  _ he _ was gay? Kind made the whole idea less weird? Maybe? Also maybe not. Also he probably wasn’t, and Steve had just lost his mind for like two minutes, which seemed more likely.

Billy thinks he’s hot shit, Steve thought, lying on his bed in sweatpants and an old basketball t shirt. But honestly, he might be. His car was pretty cool. And his eyes were like, freakishly blue. Like, not a real color, just straight up crystals shoved in his cranium. It was kind of weird to think like that about someone who borderline tried to kill him.

The phone rang. Steve answered it.

“Harrington residence, this is Steve. Hey, Mrs. Henderson! What’s up? Yeah I can keep an eye on ‘em. 7pm, you got it. Ok, see you tonight. Thank you. Bye.”

So maybe watching the meatheads would take his mind off the whole thing for a bit. Also maybe not.

-

Fuck. Fuck everything. Fuck Steve Harrington- did he know?

_ Did he know _ ?- Fucking son of a bitch. He probably knew! Why else would he do that? 

If he knew, that was it. ‘Course he’d probably want his popularity back. If he told everyone Billy was screwed. Steve could blackmail him, maybe. Just to get revenge. What if people found out anyway? Fuck, what if his dad-

_ Don’t think about that. _

Max was already at the car when he got there. He sort of hoped she didn’t notice how winded he was. Either from running or from… yeah. Weirdest thing about actually getting along with Max (most of the time) was that she started acting like she cared about him. Which was, dunno, stressful? He suddenly felt, like, pressure to be a person. Billy never relied on anyone, ever. Been there, done that, it sucked. But having someone rely on him was almost as bad. And if he was feeling weird about something, she could tell. Why did it seem like so many girls could mind read?

“Hey, are you ok?” Max asked him in the car. 

He raised an eyebrow, looking sideways at her. “I’m fine. Why?”

“You just um, usually get on my case about being late. But like-”

“Class ran over,” he said in a conversation-ending way.

“Oo-kay.” Max sighed and looked out the window, silent for the rest of the drive. 

There was a chance Max already knew about him. She was observant as shit, but smart enough not to bring it up. He started wondering if she had figured it out even a few weeks into them living together. But since she didn’t know for sure, there was no guarantee what her response would be. California was better than here, but general consensus had Billy going to hell. He’d probably go to hell for a lot of other reasons, too. But that was number one. Maybe also all the premarital sex, but did that even count if you weren’t into it?

Probably.

-

“I think I narrowly escaped death today.” Steve said contemplatively through a mouthful of popcorn on the Henderson’s couch. 

“How do you mean?” Dustin stuck his hand in the gigantic bowl of the stuff they were making Steve hold. 

Steve didn’t really know why he even mentioned it, but it seemed somehow more weird to not say anything. So just say cryptic stuff, maybe.

“Run in with Billy.”

“What’d he do this time?” Max rolled onto her back, feet up against the couch to join the conversation.

“Guys, shut up and watch the movie!” Mike turned over his shoulder to hiss at them. 

Max pulled a face. 

“Just being weird and lame.” Steve responded to Max and Dustin more quietly. 

“Well, that’s his thing,” Max turned back to the screen, flickering with whichever Star Wars movie they were on. They were trying to get El through all of them, mostly so she would understand their references to her using The Force. Steve had absorbed almost none of the information on the screen. 

“Yeah he’s kind of an asshole.” Dustin said. 

Someone got stabbed with one of those laser sword things. Everyone cheered, including Steve, if halfheartedly. 

“Hey, watch your language, young man.” Steve half-joked. 

Steve probably couldn’t have focused on the movie if he tried, because god knows what fresh hell awaited him tomorrow. 

  
  



	2. Fool Me Twice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote most of this on the tail end of me being high. Don't know if that makes it better or worse! We'll see. Just one relatable angsty gay mood after another. To me, at least. Also all my lady lovers in the house please go look up pix of young Madonna it's a good time.   
All my love,   
Gogo

Billy avoided Steve at all costs. From first period to last, the day following whatever had happened between them in the locker room, he didn’t even make eye contact. Didn’t even pass him in the hall, took different routes to avoid being near him, didn’t speak in any of their shared classes. But every moment they were even remotely near each other, Billy could feel Steve staring at him. Like, dead eye fixated stare, drilling a hole in the back of his head. The only break he had was at lunch, where he could just sit behind the gym and smoke in peace.

What did he  _ want _ ?

What was King Steve getting out of staring blankly at Billy for an entire school day?

_ Leave me alone. _

Billy fucking hated this. Just the ugly truth hanging over his head. And why did it have to be Steve? Stupid fucking pretty boy, he was such a  _ loser _ . And why was Billy even still thinking about it?

After PE, he left the locker room as fast as he could, a few minutes before the last bell even rang. He’d hoped to get to his car before Steve could say anything but footsteps and then a hand on his shoulder turned him around. 

“Dude, what gives?” Steve stood in front of him. 

“What  _ gives _ ?” Billy shook Steve’s hand off. He could feel his heart beating faster.

Steve looked around, making sure they were still basically alone at the end of the parking lot. “Why haven't you beat the shit outta me?”

“Could ask you the same question but I know it’s cause you hit like a girl.” 

“Why haven't you said anything? Done anything?” What was Harrington playing at?   
“Because I don’t care.” It was the only thing Billy could think of to say. 

“Oh, I call bullshit. I thought for sure you’d rat me out or something-”

“Well I’m not a fucking snitch-”

“Did you  _ want _ to kiss me-?”

Billy pushed Steve back, hard. 

“Drop it, Harrington.”

“But did-”

“ _ You _ kissed  _ me _ .” Billy hissed.

“I didn’t! Or I didn’t mean to-”

“What?” Billy stopped him.

“I didn’t mean to.”

“You didn't do it on purpose?”

“Of course I didn’t- what’d you mean on purpose?”

“You didn’t do it to… blackmail me?”

“Blackm- no! What?”

“Shit.” Billy mumbled. Then louder “Shit.”

Billy could see the gears in Steve’s brain turning. Shit!

_ No, no no- why? You’re telling me I gave myself away?  _

“Billy,” Steve hesitated. “Are you-”

Billy took a step forward. Steve took a step back “If you fucking tell anyone about this-”

“I won’t. I won’t, I swear.”

“Cause if you do-”

“Why would I, anyway? You could just turn around and blackmail me!”

Billy hadn't really thought of that in his initial panic. Ok. Ok so maybe everything was fine. Maybe he wasn't in as deep shit as he thought. If Steve didn’t tell anyone, he was fine. Everything was fine. Why was Billy’s heart still racing?

Steve looked sideways, then back at Billy. Then- fucking Harrington he was so weird- he extended his hand.

“What are you doing?” Billy was exasperated. 

“Shaking on it!”   
“Harrington, I’m not gonna shake your fucking hand.”

“We’re mutually agreeing to not tell anyone about it, so we should shake on it.”

Billy sighed very heavily. He leaned forward to shake Steve’s hand once, and let go quickly. 

“Now leave me the fuck alone.” Billy turned and started walking away.

“Yeah, maybe work on being less of an asshole!” Steve called after him. 

Billy thought about flipping him off, but just kept walking, hoping the whole thing would just go away.

_ Just leave it alone, it'll go away. _

-

Billy had really warm hands, Steve noticed as he watched him walk away. Like touching a TV that just turned off. 

So maybe that was it. And I mean, thank god it was right? That could have one so much worse for Steve. Billy could like, actually murder him or rat him out or make fun of him for eternity and he would have to like move and switch schools and never graduate or something. So this was the best possible thing that could have happened. And now it was over. 

That’s it. 

The end.

_ Billy has really warm hands.  _

Come to think of it, Billy was just warm in general. Cigarettes and shower steam and the way his breath was hot right before they kissed-

Steve wasn’t gay. He knew he wasn’t.

Right?

It was normal to think about guys like that. Anyway, he’d done it since he was little. Like when he was ten and first saw a magazine feature of Mick Jagger. He took the issue from his mom’s office and stared at it for like an hour in his room. He was just so  _ cool _ . Like, irresistibly, undeniably cool. Just as cool as like, Madonna or any other big rock star. Except he had like, a lifelong crush on Madonna and- wait, he felt the same about Jagger, didn’t he. 

There was no difference between the emotions.

“I want to be with you.” “I want to be you.” Back and forth. Constantly. 

_ Oh my god do I like guys? _

Steve wasn’t dumb, and he didn’t really feel like writing it off as just being too strange to be possible. Stranger things had happened to him, in the past year even. 

So maybe the amount of times he had replayed the kiss in the locker room was not… well not  _ not normal _ … just not… straight.

Oh, fuck.

So maybe some floodgates had just been opened. Maybe Steve was like, overcome with emotion or whatever but that’s fine.

_ Holy shit I like guys. _

Which was fine, with Steve at least. And maybe like, Dustin or people wouldn’t care but the rest of the whole world would probably care a whole lot.

And Billy  _ was _ gay! That’s what all that meant; he was almost definitely gay. Oh my god were he and Billy like the only two guys who liked guys in like, the whole school? Billy wasn't even girly or anything. Like, the polar opposite even. Steve was maybe a little girly, he’d admit, but it was all for the look. And maybe that wasn't like, an indicator? Steve was more prepared to accept common opinion as total bullshit after uncovering at least one government conspiracy. Everything’s fake, some things are just less fake. 

Billy probably fake-liked girls. Had he ever like,  _ liked _ a guy? Probably. Why was Steve so invested all of a sudden? 

What if he could talk to Billy about this!- No, that’s insane. Billy would deck him before he even got started if he brought it up again. They weren't even friends. 

But was Steve even sure he liked guys? And how would he even-

_ Oh, wait.  _

Could he do that again? Just thinking about it he already wanted to. Steve was pretty sure this was called being Bi-curious, but he was more than curious. 

_ Kiss him again. _

Fuck, he wanted to. Just to be sure, just to double check. 

Billy was not ideal, though. Would have been a lot cooler if someone who was not his high school arch-nemesis was the only option for whatever it was he wanted to find out, but, you know. 

-

So it was Wednesday. And Steve hadn't said anything else. Billy couldn't exactly go back to talking shit, but he could just pretend like nothing happened and try to relax. Focus and relax. Which actually worked for a few hours. PE rolled around, the day was almost over, and nothing had happened-

_ Steve _ shoulder checked  _ him _ .

What the actual fuck?! What the fuck was Harrington even doing? Did he know how much of a complete prick he was being? This wasn’t like a funny ‘oh shit whoops’, this was a serious fucking part of Billy having to exist in the world as a person and not be dissowned and die and stuff! He pretended like it was nothing for the entire hour, but took longer getting ready to leave, seeing if Steve would linger, too. 

He did. 

He stood there, in his stupid jeans with his stupid hair taking forever to put on a shirt only to turn around look right back at Billy. 

“What are you doing, Harrington?” He said to the space between them. 

“Getting ready to go home.”

Billy folded his arms. “Don’t be an ass.”

“Right, cause that’s your shtick.”

“I don't get it, you said you’d leave me alone. What do you  _ want- _ ”

“I said I wouldn't tell anyone.” Steve cut him off, leaning back against the lockers. Was Billy seeing it wrong, or did he look nervous?

“What?”

“I said I wouldn't tell anyone what happened. I didn’t promise to leave you alone.”

“You can’t  _ extort _ me, we’re in the same boat as far as Monday is concerned.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Billy leaned back a little. What was…?

_ Oh. _

Oh, wait,  _ really? _

Steve Harrington. Most popular kid in school up until a few months ago, all this time,

_ Just like me. _

“Not the worst boat to be in.” Steve said. 

“Not the worst,” Billy repeated. 

Steve shrugged. 

Billy hadn’t really kissed a boy in maybe two years. Just long enough to forget what it was like to be in a state of shock and awe for the first couple of minutes. They sort of crashed into the wall, Steve’s fingers through Billy’s belt loops, Billy hands propping him up against the wall. Took maybe thirty seconds for them to sink to the floor behind a row of lockers. He’d be lying if he said it wasn't desperate. But it wasn't frantic either, it was careful. Careful not to make any noise, careful not to lose their shit entirely, careful to not really acknowledge what is happening so they could just enjoy it for at least a little longer. Steve was heavier than Billy expected him to be, but then again, maybe he was just heavier than a girl. 

God, this was so much better than anything with a girl.

It made it harder to breathe, too, so by the time Steve rolled off him, both of them lying on the cold concrete floor, he was practically panting. Billy sat up, pulling a cigarette and his lighter from his pocket. He was careful not to look at Steve, much as he wanted to. 

_ Pretend like you do this all the time. Pretend like it doesn't mean anything- _

“Are you smoking right now?” Steve interrupted his thoughts.

“Yeah. Why?” Billy shoved the Zippo back in his pocket. 

“Nothing, just. Wow.”

“Wow.” Billy mumbled. “Well, later, Harrington.” He stood up to leave. 

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Wait, that- that cannot be it.”

“See you tomorrow.” Billy called over his shoulder. It could have been an answer, it could have been coy, or sarcastic, but Billy himself didn’t even know what he meant when he said it. Just that they'd see each other tomorrow. 


	3. Intricate Rituals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the first time I made out with a girl I almost had an asthma attack and I wanted that same energy in this chapter so yeah. Additionally, everyone should go look up Intricte Rituals because it is a FANTATSic art piece about toxic masculinity that I love and so like if you d too thats pretty cool!  
All my love,   
Gogo

Oh my god that was amazing. Oh my  _ god _ that was  _ amazing _ . Steve felt like, electrocuted in a good way, if that made sense?

It made sense. A lot of shit made sense right now. Steve must have sat alone on the locker room floor for a solid minute just grinning at nothing. Just like, an overwhelming  _ hell yeah  _ feeling. Cause hell yeah,  _ that _ just happened. He must have felt like this the first time he really actually kissed a girl, too, but was too young to appreciate it in its complexity of  _ hell yeah _ . 

_ That was amazing. _

Steve ran a hand through his hair. He stood up and sort of just turned in a circle, trying to have more coherent thoughts. 

Again. He had to do that again.

Dear  _ god _ he had to do that again or die trying. He just needed  _ more _ , and- and  _ now _ , and like,  _ all the time _ . And wow was making out with someone who could defintly murder you if he wanted to hot as hell. 

“Oh my god I’m so weird.” He whispered aloud. Then almost laughed. Then he paused.

_ Do I have a thing for Billy? Billy hates my guts. I thought I hated his guts. _

Didn’t really matter if he liked Billy or not though, because he liked kissing him. 

How could he figure out how to get here again, this spot, this moment, again? 

He could just, you know, talk to Billy. That was a normal thing to do. Just find a reason to interact. He racked his brain for hours for what to say or ask or do until first period the next day it just sort of fell out:

“Hey, do you have any gum?” Steve leaned across his desk to ask Billy.

“Oh, yeah.” Billy slid down in his desk to grab a pack of gum out of his pocket, handing a stick of it to Steve the exact same way Steve had seen him hold a cigarette; between just two fingers, and like it was no trouble at all. Cool.

“Thanks, man.”

“Sure.”

Ok, so that worked, Steve thought. But would Billy catch on, and would he do it back?

God, this was so much more complicated than hitting on girls. He was probably just making an ass of himself and yesterday really  _ was _ it and-

“Your shoe’s untied.” Billy said without looking at him, a few minutes later. 

Steve stared at him for a second, then looked down. His shoe was indeed, untied. Steve felt that current of electricity again, just lower this time. 

So they could speak to each other, and if they could talk, they could casually linger long in the locker room long enough to see everyone else leave

Whoever built locker rooms must have known what they were setting kids up for. The Hawkins High Boys Locker room was an absolute maze. Much as Steve was worried about getting caught it seemed impossible to be found if you wanted to. They hid somewhere different everyday for the rest of the week. Behind the lockers, behind the weight racks, in the handicap bathroom stall, the farther end of the showers, anywhere a door was far enough away that they could act natural if someone came in.

The weekend apart had Steve worried for a second that maybe Billy would shrug him off, but he never did. No one ever did. 

A couple times they heard footsteps, but one of those times Steve dragged Billy into the supply closet to hide and the making out just escalated. 

Steve always wondered how the hell people didn’t get horny as shit in the military but now here was his answer. Kissing Billy was just as fun as kissing any girl he’d ever dated, maybe more than most. 

But that wasn't even it. Suddenly, just as Steve had hit the end of the list for people he still considered friends at school, he had Billy. Not really as a friend but as, you know, something.

During each school day, they just kept finding excuses to interact.

_ Need a pen? _

_ You dropped this. _

_ Hey, do you have the answer to #15? _

Every class together, every chance meeting in the hallway.

_ Find an excuse. _

-

Billy seriously considered calling it quits and avoiding Steve again on a daily basis. Because he could just stop responding, and he could stop staying after school everyday (much to Max’s annoyance- she’d started skating home unprompted). Hell, he could drop out of school. Because up until a few days ago he hated Steve, but was it really just force of habit? Sure Steve was annoying as hell and a bit of a poser and kind of dumb. Like, pretty actually stupid. He was persistent, though. But that was just sort of admirably stupid. 

_ So don’t talk to him,  _ was Billy’s thought at the beginning of every school day. Just ignore him, half of everyone already does. Then Steve would do something  _ inane _ like almost tip over an entire chem lab set and it wasn’t endearing or anything, it was just so dumb it was impossible not to jab at him. 

“Nice catch, Harrington.” Billy would say as Steve walked past, barely holding onto the beaker he’d already almost dropped. 

“Yeah, yeah. Hold your applause.”

He wasn't even being nice, he was just being palatable. Steve responded. 

It was sort of… nice?

No one really ever just talked to Billy to talk. They were always posturing or something. Steve just talked to him. Like, questions and comments and a quick comeback to any razz. Billy wondered what could have happened to Steve that got him so unafraid of everything. He’d heard almost everything about how Steve used to be. Jock, douchebag, King of Hawkins High. 

He didn’t even really have any friends now. 

What had happened to turn him so dorky?

Steve still barely new anything about him, Billy reminded himself. He wasn't too close, he wasn't close at all. He just knew the One Thing. It was easy for Billy to keep distance with someone he was hooking up with, he’d done it a million times. But something about this left him on edge, constantly torn between yes and no. What was that called? Strong ambivalence. 

_ Did he-? _

No, too weird.

Plus he hadn't actually like liked a guy in like, literal years, so whatever. 

_ But what if he did? _

Kinda stressed him out. Kinda made him wanna punch a wall. Or just punch Steve, seemed like a good problem solver. 

But he didn't really want to. 

All he  _ wanted _ to do was kiss him again. 

_ So fucking weird. _

_ - _

On a less attended Thursday when no one would miss him anyway, Steve grabbed his lunch and walked around the back of the gym. Billy was there, like he always was, a fixture of masculine intimidation. 

“Hey.” Steve slid down the wall to sit in the grass-overtaken concrete a few feet away from Billy.

“The fuck’re you doing here, Harrington?” Billy sounded more curious than anything.

Steve held up his single slice of terrible cafeteria pizza. “Eating lunch.”

“And who said you could eat lunch with me?”

“Oh, I’m not eating lunch with you.” Steve smiled dryly. “See, you're standing alllll the way over there, by yourself and, coincidentally, I decided to eat lunch over here, by  _ my _ self.”

Billy smiled sideways, condescending. “Very cool of you to sit by yourself. By choice, of course.”

“Yeah, you know I  _ feel _ really cool.”

Billy snorted. The skin of his lower lip stuck slightly to the dry paper of his cigarette. 

For a couple of days Steve came back at lunch, and they’d sit in silence for the first ten minutes, before one or another of them came up with something to talk about. Small talk was remarkably easy with Billy- they liked a lot of the same things, hated the same teachers, stuff like that. Steve learned that Billy was actually pretty smart as far as school was concerned, but couldn't be bothered to turn in any of his homework, keeping a solid B average. He hated Chem, and loved cars. He knew way more than Steve, leaving him time to ask loads of questions. Steve got the feeling he liked the attention, anyway. 

-

Billy kept thinking about the time he’d hooked up with this random girl at maybe his second or third Hawkins house party. She said she had high standards, playing hard to get, when she wants. He’d promised he was good. 

“Good as Steve Harrington?” She said, coy, laughing. 

The words sort of echoed in his brain now. Because Steve Harrington was a really good kisser. Like, really good. And maybe his opinion was skewed in favor of Steve just being a guy, but he also knew how to breathe, where to push or pull, where to put his hands that was just  _ secure _ . And he didn’t seem to really care if he was leading or not. When he’d dragged Billy into the supply closet in case of interruption, Billy shoved him up against the wall to kiss his neck, no idea what he was into. Steve inhaled sharply, and just pulled him closer. 

Steve admitted he was a dumbass in school. No surprises there, Steve barely paid attention at all. Too focused on his hair or basketball, Billy would say, but Steve cut him off to point out that excuse me, but this hair has been a chick magnet since he was a freshman. 

“And where’d all that magnetism go?” Billy raised an eyebrow.

“You stole it!”

Billy laughed again.

So they were still talking about girls then. Pretending nothing was happening, which was good. Relaxing, even. Like maybe they were even becoming friends? Maybe?

Steve ran up to him early at lunch later that week.

“Hey I’m going off campus, wanna come?”

“Where you going?”

“Dunno yet. You can pick.”

Billy took a long drag from his cigarette before answering, but why would he say no?

“Yeah, sure.”

They went to Burger King. Billy spent a lot of the time rummaging through the various tapes in Steve’s glove box. 

“You have horrible taste, you know that, Harrington?”

“Since when are you a music buff? I've heard the shit you listen to.”

“I’m not, I just know that-” Billy pulled out a tape, flipped it over and snorted. “- _ The Bee Gees _ are not where it’s at.”

“_Stayin' Alive_ is a timeless classic!”

“Do you know how lame you sound?”

“Well excuse me for liking fun songs.”

“This is not ‘fun’. It's just bad.” 

“Shut up.”

Billy continued digging in the glovebox, finishing the last of his fries, when Steve spoke again.

“You know, I’m surprised you said yes to lunch.”   
“Why?” Billy didn’t look up, trying to keep a handle on his feelings.

“You’re just like, such a loner.”

“Not always.”

Just as the bell for the end of lunch rang, and Billy popped the door of Steve’s car open to leave, Steve stopped him

“Hey,” Steve said, hand on Billy’s jacket sleeve. “Would you want to like, hangout sometime? Outside of school?”

_ Keep distance.  _

“Uh,” Billy hesitated.

_ Keep distance! _

“Yeah,” Billy said finally, actively trying to stay casual. “Sure.”

_ You dumbass. _

“Cool.” Steve smiled. 

“Cool.”

  
  



	4. Team Player

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer than usual because I tried to cram way too much into one chapter so I jut split it in two. We're two chapters away from some pure distilled angst and I am so hyped so stick around! Can't believe /anyone/ bookmarked this thank y'all so heckin much for reading and being here wowowowowow.  
All my love,  
Gogo

Billy barely had time to consider if Steve had just asked him out or not because his dad was home early, which meant he’d noticed Max was home before Billy. 

And wasn’t Billy supposed to drive her home?

Wasn't that his  _ responsibility _ ?

Because of course there were consequences for shirking responsibilities. 

So, he was sure Billy would be making more of an effort in the future to take care of his responsibilities before fucking around with god knows who god knows where.

Isn't that right?

“I didn’t snitch.” Max said from Billy’s bedroom doorway. 

“That’s great, Max.”

“What? I didn’t!”

“Doesn't matter.”

“It does! I could have snitched at any point this week and I didnt because we have to be a team-”

“Can you stop with the team bullshit? We are not on a fucking  _ team _ .”

“I waited for an hour on Tuesday just me by myself and had to skate home basically in the dark-”

“Oh, what do you want me to say, I’m sorry?”

“Yes! I would like that! A lot!”

Billy stared at her, still pissed. She stared back. Jesus, she was unbreakable. 

“Fine.” He managed. “I’m sorry. Get out of my room.”

“Fine.” She slammed the door behind her.

_ Be nice. _

No.

_ At least try to be nice. _

No! Stupid fucking-

_ Don’t take it out on her she doesn't deserve it. _

Neither do I.

_ Bullshit. _

Have some compassion. Billy’s mom used to say that when she’d see him get mad. 

Have some compassion, you don’t know what’s happening behind closed doors. 

He could guess. 

And no one had fucking compassion for him anyway.

Max wasn't as fucked up as he was, though. 

Not as fucked up yet, he thought cynically. 

She was tough as nails, she’d proven that. She didn't even necessarily want compassion, she wanted respect. For him to respect her. He kinda did. He kinda had to, she’d fucking tranqed him. She was smart, and kind, and not too jaded by the shit that went down around her. Kind of a little shit but still. 

He could respect that.

Billy slid a pack of skittles across the dining room table in Max’s direction. She looked up from her homework, prepared to roll her eyes.

“What’s the bribe for?”

“It’s not a bribe. It’s an apology.”

“So a forgiveness bribe.”

“Do you want the candy or not?”

She picked up the pack.

“I like Junior Mints better than Skittles, for future reference.”

“Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind.”

-

Almost dying several times might skew your perception of how important certain things are. For example, at this point, Steve really didn’t give a shit if he was gay. He might be, honestly, but also might not, even he would admit he wasn't the brightest, and why was it even important? Stuff that was important: Staying alive, keeping your friends alive, having good hair. Also maybe his parents. Also feelings. But definitely not giving so much of a shit about who got to date who for what reasons.

Simultaneously, he was becoming more and more aware of the fact that everyone else probably did. Give a shit, that is. His parents would care. His old friends would care a lot. The kids might even care. Well, I mean, best guess had Will being… something. Kid never showed interest in girls. But was that an indicator? 

No idea.

Second go at the same Star Wars movie - why were these things so goddamn long? - meant Steve was keeping an eye on the motley crew again. 

Steve still couldn't really keep up, and kept asking Dustin questions until Mike shushed them very aggressively. 

Turns out El was just as lost. They paused the movie so the whole thing could be explained to El and Steve. Max’s version made the most sense but Lucas’ was the most interesting and Mike just corrected everyone until it made no sense again. 

“An external exhaust port?” Steve said again.

“Yeah, and it’ll explode the whole thing.”

“No, it causes a chain reaction-”

“Wait, so there's one part of the whole Dark Star-”

“Death Star, Steve.”

“Yeah, ok, but one part that just explodes the whole-”

“CHAIN REACTION.”

“Bad planning.” El cut in, guessing what Steve was trying to say.

“Yeah, that.”

And apparently Darth Vader was Luke’s dad? Like, holy shit, how’d that happen?

Lord knows it’d take another two hour movie to explain. 

The credits rolled. 

The kids talked amongst themselves about the finer points of something something kyber crystals something.

Steve was just about to stand up to pick up when Max sat down next to him.

“Why are you hanging out with my brother?”

Steve blinked at her many times before answering. 

“Are you guys like friends now or something?” She kept going.

“I- Do you not want me to hang out with him? I can stop if he’s being lame again, or-”

“No,” Max looked him up and down. “He’s not. He’s actually been really nice.”

“That’s… good.”

“Yeah.”

“I mean, yeah I guess we're friends.”

Max nodded a few times. “Ok.” She bounced off the couch and walked away. 

How did she even know he and Billy had been hanging out? I mean, she’d probably seen them together at lunch but damn she was observant. Steve kind of wished he was more observant sometimes. He knew he wasn’t really stupid, he just was not really… intellectual. And who needed intellectual anyway? Billy wasn’t intellectual, but he was smart as hell. Steve had listened to him talk about like, fixing cars, and the best way to save a tape and he was just good at like, puzzles. And so fucking athletic. So cool. Steve had thought maybe he was a little, I don't know, jealous? Of Billy and how good he was at things. But it wasn't a bad feeling, he guessed? It was like jealousy, where you want what someone has, but it was closer to admiration. Like he looked up to Billy - even though Billy was younger, he’d found out. And shorter. He liked being around him. It made him feel cool, too. And where was it he’d felt that before? With who? It had happened. A celebrity, maybe. Or a star athlete. Just at the edges of his brain. 

Who had made him feel like that?

_ Oh. _

Nancy.

Nancy made him feel cool. He admired her wits, her style. Her presence made him feel important. Even when she explained this to him in easier words, it seemed like she just wanted him to know, so they could know the same shortcuts to being alive. 

Wasn't that just how Steve felt about Billy?

“Hey,” Steve slid into his desk next to Billy’s the next day. “Did you still want to-”

“Can’t.” Billy said shortly, not looking up

“You… ok.” Steve was confused. Like, a few hours ago it’d seemed like something was going somewhere, and now Billy was maybe more closed off than before. 

“Just double checking-” Steve started.

“Like I said, I can’t” Billy cut him off. 

The teacher shushed them more aggressively than Steve felt was warranted. 

Steve leaned back in his desk. How far did this go? Was this like, not this week, sorry, gotta check my schelde or like never again ever will we so much as speak to each other. Fuck, he hoped it was the first one. Was Billy like, weirded out by Steve or something? Had he taken it too far?

An empty gum wrapper, re-folded, landed on his desk. 

Billy’s rapid handwriting:

_ Grounded. _

Steve felt his whole body relax. Ok, grounded was workable. Billy had not gone back to hating his guts. Good. Ok.

Steve passed back a ripped scrap of his own notebook paper:

_ Till when? _

_ Monday _

_ I can’t wait that long _

Steve kind of couldn’t believe he’d written that down to pass back, feeling his whole stomach twist. 

Billy paused, turning the note over in his hands. Steve flipped the original gum wrapper over, and scribbled on the back:

_ Call me, _

with his phone number.

Billy looked at it when it landed on his desk, sort of disbelieving, then Steve saw him smile, just a bit. He looked semi demonic, but like, in a cool, handsome-ish way. Cool was definitely the right word. Billy smoothed the gum wrapper out and shoved it in his pocket. They didn’t talk about it at lunch.

  
  



	5. Wendy's at Midnight is Not a Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So maybe it's not midnight but the go concept was and the title was too good to throw out. I realize this one took waaaay longer than the others to come out and that's my b ill try to be more consistent I'm just low-key hella depressed rn but shout out to my girlfriend fr being amazing and proofreading everything and supporting me y'all she's a ray of sunshine, @keysmashdnp .  
All my love,  
Gogo

_It’s not a date,_ Billy kept repeating in his head. _It’s not a date, you’re not asking him on a date, calm down._ Like he’d ever actually go on a date with a guy. In another universe, maybe. Wendy’s close to midnight is not a date. It’s sneaking out of your house while grounded to see Steve “The Hair” Harrington and… and what? Talk? Hangout like normal people? Suck face in the parking lot like actual delinquents? No idea.

_ Just call him, you total pussy. _

The walk to the payphone by his house took maybe a thousand years. Getting quarters and numbers all in order took maybe a million. It rang for more.

“Harrington residence, this is Steve.”

“Who forces you to answer the phone like that?” Billy almost laughed. 

“I- Hey. No one forces me it’s just like, how you’re supposed to answer-”

“What’re you doing tonight?”

“Aren’t you grounded?”

“Yeah, I am. Answer the question.”

“I’m having dinner with my parents at 6.”

“Great. I’ll pick you up at 8.”

“You’ll… ok.” Billy thought for a second he could hear Steve smiling as he said it. “See you then.”

“Later, Harrington.”

-

Dinner shouldn't have taken as long as it did. It was grueling hearing his parents talk incessantly about work and work friends and work trips and work parties and it kinda sucked that they never asked him about school or sports or anything but they were plenty nice. His dad reminded him to update his resume and his mom tried not to talk about how one of his cousins was settling into the Harvard campus early and wasn’t it nice that they had such driven people in their family? 

“Yeah. A thirst of success.” Steve repeated.

_ I wonder if I classify as a disappointment? _

He ran down the stairs around 7:55, pulling on a jacket, convinced he’d over done his hair, when his mom looked over her latest muder-mystery novel to smile at him.

“You look nice, going out?”

“Yeah, I’m hanging out with a friend.”

“Be back before midnight!” His father called after him. 

“Yeah, got it!” He called back. 

“And don’t die.” His mom winked. 

Steve smiled. 

“Thanks, mom.”

If only she knew.

-

Billy didn’t knock, he just leaned on his horn until Steve came running out the door. 

“Dude, I have neighbors.” Steve pulled open the door of the Camaro.

“Wow, neighbors? No one has those.”

Billy realized Steve was running his hand across the passenger end of the dash, sort of studying it.

“What?” Billy asked. 

“Nothing. Just never thought i'd get to see the inside of your car.” Steve looked over his shoulder, around the edges of the Camaro

“Pretty cool, right?”

“I kinda hate you, but I have to admit, very cool.” Steve nodded.

Billy almost laughed. How was it so easy to talk to Steve? And how was he so charming?

“So,” Steve tapped his legs. “What's the plan?”

“Frosties?”

“Oh,  _ hell _ yeah. I am always down for a Wendy’s run.”

Billy found himself smiling. 

The drive there was actually not awkward. Billy had been more nervous than he would ever admit, but again, conversation was easy until Billy remembered, dumb or not, Steve had an admirbale backbone. 

Billy threw some dig at the nerds Max called her friends. 

Steve immediately stopped him.

“No, no no. Look man, free speech and whatever, but I’m gonna need you to not be such a dick about my kids.”

“_Your_ _kids_?”

“Yeah, I take care of all of them at least once a fucking week, they’re my kids.”

“No one takes babysitting as seriously as you, Harrington.”

“Well, no one’s better at it than me.”

Billy half laughed. “You are something else.”

“I’m gonna take that as a compliment.”

Billy thought about the request for a minute before saying:

“I won’t talk shit about your kids.”

“Thank you.”

“To your face at least.”

Steve snorted.

There was a lull in conversation as the first bites were taken. 

“Why did you invite me to get ice cream with you?” Steve asked eventually.

“Oh, no, you’re confused.” Billy smiled. “See, you’re over there, on that side of the car, having a frosty, while me, I’m over here on this side of the car, coincidentally also having a frosty.”

“That’s my line.” Steve laughed a little. “Didn’t know you could be funny.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Harrington.”

“Tell me something, then.”

Billy looked sideways at Steve in surprise. Why was this so easy for him? The complete and total loser was actually smooth as hell. no wonder he had so many girls obsessed with him until recently, because it wasn't just a line; he actually wanted to know. 

“Tell you something?” Billy repeated. 

“Yeah,” Steve shrugged. “Like, you’re from California, yeah?”

Billy raised an eyebrow. “Yeah.”

“Right, so in comparison-“

“You know I fucking hate this town.”

“You may have mentioned it once or twice. I might if I didn’t grow up here but like I did.”

“And that explains so much.”

“Tell me what you miss most about California.” Steve ignored Billy’s comment

“The beach.” Billy replied without hesitation.

“Really?”

“Definitely. Not being able to see the ocean is weird as shit. I used to surf like, every fucking day when I was younger. A little, still, before we left.”

“Yeah, no shit? Were you any good?”

“Pretty damn good.”

“That’s actually really cool.”

“Thanks.” Billy smiled. Then stopped smiling because Steve looked smug as hell. 

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Billy changed the subject, figuring he should contribute to conversation more. 

Steve started fiddling with the radio and gasped when they hit a station halfway through  _ Poison Arrow  _ By _ ABC.  _

“I can’t stand this song.” Billy leaned forward to change it. 

“What?” Steve pushed his hand away.” It's a great song!”   
“Steve, this is the cheesiest shit I've ever heard.”

“You don't understand I listened to this every day for maybe, like, three months!”

“Why?”

“First semester, Nancy Wheeler broke my heart into a million pieces and this song got me through it!”   
“Steve, no.”

“Seriously, it did!”   
“A million pieces?”

“Million of ‘em.” Steve grinned. 

Billy snorted. “It took you three months to get over that Wheeler chick? She’s kind of a priss, right?”

“No, no she was like, smart and cool and I felt like she got me, you know?”

Billy didn’t.

“But I guess not.” Steve went on. 

He looked over at Billy. Both waited a moment before speaking again.

“When do you have to be home?” Steve asked finally.

“Whenever.”

“Well don’t do anything stupid on my account.”

Billy could think of a million stupid things he’d do on Steve’s account, but he wasn’t about to say that out loud.

“I would have snuck out anyway. I always do, they don’t care. They’re not even home.”

“They’re not?”

Billy looked sideways at Steve, who looked back so directly it might have scared Billy off. He should think this was weird, that Steve was being weird, but this was just what he wanted- just what he’d been hoping for.

“Max is, she’s probably asleep.”

“I’d be quiet.”

“Think you can manage that?” Billy smiled, amused at Steve’s confidence.

“I’m a stealth master! I’m like a ninja.”

“Steve, I wouldn't trust you to chew gum and walk at the same time, I doubt you’re a ninja.”

“Has anyone ever told you you can be kind of a total prick?”

“Many times.”

-

Maybe Steve hadn't considered the kind of intensity that builds behind secrets. He’d kept secrets before, who his friends had crushes on, El and “The Force”, beer he’d stolen from his dad, the weird sticky-cold dimension the kids called the Upside Down, the demi-dogs, that time Tommy cheated on Carol, government conspiracies, you name it. This was different. This secret was all his. Nothing to do with anyone else except Billy, who unlocked his front door in the dead of night without saying anything at all, who Steve followed up a creaky flight of stairs in a tiny pale-wood house, and who turned around to look him up and down when they got to Billy's bedroom door. 

The thing building behind this secret was so specific and so hard to describe other than just a  _ want.  _ A want so close to a need you couldn't really tell the difference. Because during the day, when they would talk and jab and be a strange combination of friend and foe, it was something totally different than in the supply closet of the boys locker room or right now, feet away from Billy’s unmade bed. This was hot in every sense. Like standing too close to a fire, like wanting to stand closer. 

“I like your house.” Steve whispered, leaning on the doorframe with more confidence than he felt.

“I don’t”

Billy pushed his door open and spread his arms. 

“This is it.”

“You want a tour?”

Steve laughed and said yes. Billy briefly explained his posters, flipped through a few records, pointed out a couple jackets he really dug, and Steve listened all the same, feeling the subject being avoided more and more and more until 

“Hey, are we friends?” Steve asked.

Billy looked pointedly at him. “Why?”

“Your sister-”

“Not my sister.”

“Your  _ step _ -sister asked me if we were.”

“I guess.”

“So why’d you sneak me into your house?” Steve felt the words heavy in his mouth. 

Billy’s eyes flicked down, then back up. “What do you want me to say?” Billy said more quietly, his tone smooth enough to be actually really hot. 

“Whatever’s true.”

Billy stood closer. “I snuck you into my house because the kinds of things I’d like to do to you aren't exactly things friends do.”

Steve could barely breathe for a solid couple of seconds. 

It was almost ten. They had another two hours.

“What kinds of things?” Steve whispered.

“Whatever you’re up for.”

-

Billy had no intention of fucking a guy maybe ever. That was some shit he didn't want to have to work through. But he did have the intention of pushing Steve Harrington onto his back on the mess of sheets and kiss him hard enough to make him gasp for air. Did Steve like that? 

Being pushed around? 

-

So maybe Steve liked being pushed around. Was that weird? Like maybe that was weird to like a boy who was stronger than you to push his hands under your shirt and bite your neck a little, but it felt really  _ nice _ . It was never like this with Nancy, he realized, maybe because she stopped being into it kinda early on, but also because this felt like a level playing field. Like a fight almost, in a really good way. Like a game, maybe. And it felt nice to be sort of crushed under someone's weight. Billy was just so warm and so much heavier than Nancy- or any girl really. He moved differently, too. Like everything within him was drawn tighter, built broader. And he took off his jacket so gracefully. His hair slid across his shoulders when he bent back down to kiss Steve again. It was just fun and nice and felt correct, somehow. 

It should have felt so much weirder, and Steve knew he should feel guilty. He was supposed to feel bad. He could probably make himself feel guilty and bad if he wanted to, but he didn’t. 

_ Did Billy feel bad? _

God, he hoped not. But he probably did.

Steve never claimed to be particularly smart or understand like, political and social stuff, but that would make a lot of sense.

Why Billy was such an asshole all the time until recently, and why he said dirty shit about girls and drove around in his hot rod blasting angry music. Why he hated everyone else. 

Steve realized he might be playing with fire.

  
  



	6. Kinda Sorta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If y'all want you can comment more? But no pressure. I am always looking for feedback or just your fav parts or anything. also tell me if I should follow through with the Lesbian!Harringrove Heathers AU I've been playin around with, I think it could be fun (Steve is Veronica and Billy is JD but they're both girls because I love women OR billy would be heather chandler and id shake it up a lil idk I'm wild like that ;D)  
After a lot of research I realized the f slur was waaaaaay more common in the 80s than I ever thought, and it would be very realistic to use it in my fic, but since I am not a gay man or a drag queen or any type of queer person that has been historically used against, at the risk of not being fully true to the times I will not be using it. It's usage may be implied, but never spelled out, as well as with any other slurs. I do not believe in being offensive simply to be historically accurate.  
I love you all!  
Gogo

Steve drove Dustin home from school for the hell of it. It wasn't like he could see Billy directly after school anymore, they did a lot more sneaking around after hours now, so back to whatever it was he did to keep himself sane. 

Which was literally just talking to Dustin. Steve kinda wondered if things in general would be better if he wasn't an only child. Like maybe his dad wouldn’t be such an asshole to him. Someone else would be around to be harshly judged. And maybe he wouldn’t be so lonely all the time in his big stupid house. Maybe he’d feel better.

But it kind of forced you to feel better when someone looked up to you, didn't it?

_ Gotta keep it together for the kid.  _

They were listening to Queen because they always did. Steve was trying to teach Dustin how to whistle better, and when the next track played, on auto pilot Steve said: 

“Oh, Nancy loves this song.”

He didn't even really think about it as he said it, and it only struck him what he said just as Dustin started responding.

“Steve,” Dustin stopped him. “You gotta move on.”

Steve was sort of wildly surprised because Nancy did love this song, and he knew that, and he said that, he just didn't really care. He didn't care that she loved this song, it was just a fact that he knew. It didn’t really  _ mean _ anything. 

“No, I-” Steve was about to explain. 

“Dude, your mourning for Nancy has gone on for too long. If you were me, I’d tell you to get back out there!”   
“Yeah, well for your information I have gotten back out there, so, you know. Mourning period over.”

Ah, fuck. 

Why would Steve go and say a thing like that?

“Really?”

“Don’t act so surprised.” Stop being defensive and start being smart enough to NOT tell people you’re a total-

“Oh, hell yeah!”

“Ok, but listen I probably shouldn't have said anything cause like,” Steve fumbled for words. “It’s like new, and we’re keeping it lowkey, and-”

“Who is she?” Dustin grinned.

“No,” Steve shook his head. “Dustin-”

“Oh, c’mon it’s me! You can tell me. I won’t tell the others.”

“I- No.”

“Please?”

“Seriously, drop it.”

“Alright.” Dustin leaned back in the passenger seat looking smug. “Cheers to you man.” Dustin raised an imaginary glass.

“Oh, thank you, thank you. You’re too kind.” Steve cheers’d back, still a bit on edge.

“I think I could figure it out-“

“Don’t try to figure it out.”

“Use my powers of deduction-”

“Nope. Nope, nope.”

“While you use your powers of  _ se- _ duction-”

“Dustin, I swear to god…”

Always just Steve and girls. 

_ What was with people and girls? _

-

“Do you like girls?” Steve leaned his head back against the concrete wall, looking out over the grass-cracked cement. It was lunch again, because it had to be. 

“Depends on the girl.” Billy avoided the answer. 

“But like, in general.” Steve handed back the cigarette they were splitting. 

“Not so much. Kinda irritating.”

“I meant why’re you spending time with me? At last half the girls in school are obsessed with you. Why not one of them?”   
Billy looked at his boots, then over the parking lot. He didn't really want to answer. 

“Like you better, I guess. Than girls, I mean.” He looked across his shoulder at Steve. “Why? Do you like them?”   
“Girls?” Steve laughed a little “Dude, I fucking love girls.”

“So why are you spending so much time,” He pointed at his chest with a thumb, not breaking eye contact. “With me?”

“I like you better.”

“Well,” Billy looked away again, taking another drag off the cigarette. “There you go.”

Maybe that was the capital-T Truth for Steve. He probably did like girls. He should probably be dating a girl. Not that they were…. That. 

_ Because he’s out of your league.  _

Fuck that, if anything Billy was out of Steve’s league. 

_ But he’s a nice person. _

Anyone can be nice.

_ He’s a good person. _

And he was. Steve was so bottomlessly good it would have driven Billy insane. It might be doing that anyway. 

Billy kept thinking back, not so much to them fooling around at his house, but to them hanging out in the Wendy's drive thru. Because, he’d actually had a good time. 

He liked spending time with Steve. Liked it a lot. Liked how dumb, and tall, and funny Steve was. So stupid and so goddman funny. 

_ And sweet…  _

Made Billy feel like maybe he wasn't really so alone. Even with a decent amount of popularity, he’d been spending less time with his new ‘friends’, all too familiar with what kind of people they were. He didn't want followers. But did he want a friend?

Was Steve a friend?

_ What is he, to you? _

Don’t think about it.

_ Don’t be such a dick about my kids. _

Max counted as one of Steve’s kids, probably. She hung around with the nerds he was so adamant about taking care of- seriously, what was up with that?

It was endearing, though. 

_ Oh, fuck me. Endearing? Really? _

Billy could roll his eyes at himself. Was he just going to do something because Steve Harrington would like it?

Yes, yes he was. 

_ Fuuuuuck. _

He tried to be nicer to Max. It was a struggle, mostly because she was annoying as shit, but a lot of that was probably just Billy’s tendency to go looking for a fight.

She did scuff the dash on the passenger side with her board and she did leave her shoes in the hallway (which he tripped on) and she had  _ such _ a valley girl accent, but who didn't back home so maybe he could try to be less of a dick. 

Max was doing homework in the kitchen. Billy was hungry and could have just grabbed food and gone back up to his room but he should try, like, really try, at least once. 

As nonchalantly as possible, and without even looking at her, he said:

“How was school?”

Max looked up. She raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Just thought I’d ask.”

“Ok.” Max narrowed her eyes. “School was fine.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“What, uh, what was fine about it?”

Max paused a minute, unsure what to do. “Well, uh, you know, I think science is... fun. but Mr. Clarke kinda got on my nerves today.”

“How’s that?”

“Why are you talking to me?”

“Because. Why did he annoy you?”

Max was briefly taken aback, but continued all the same. “Well, ok, don’t get me wrong, I love Mr. Clarke, but he always picks on the boys first to answer questions.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And like, I know things too, you know?”

Billy nodded. 

“It’s just like, really frustrating, especially because we were talking and like, Mike doesn't even know what he’s talking about 90% of the time but he just answers shit anyway…”

Billy didn't even say anything else. Max just talked. 

Had she always been this talkative? Had the aggression between them been so much that she just shut down entirely? She was smart as shit too, the more she talked. He kinda knew that but she seemed more.. mature than he expected. She owned her shit. 

She stopped midway through a sentence to stare at him again, suspicious. 

“Are you still listening?”

“Yeah,” He stopped leaning on his arm. “Still listening.”

“Ok, because you might think this is funny, in gym today Will forgot his shoes, and…”

This wasn't that bad. Not bad at all. Listening to Max talk made the house seem less empty, and maybe less… charged. 

The next afternoon when he asked her how her day was again, she took off barely prompted. She had a million thoughts and feelings and ideas it seemed like she was just waiting to talk about, just, no one asked. Most of it was just observational. A lot of it was jabs at people she didn't like, and she was pretty funny. 

Maybe they weren’t so totally different, even if she was a loser. 

He still said that to her, called her a loser. 

She still called him a dick. 

But it wasn't that bad anymore. 

-

Second movie in the trilogy was surprisingly good so Steve did less brain work and actually got to sit back and relax, aside from ordering a ridiculously complicated pizza order and getting up to pay for it at the door. He was thinking maybe the line between actually babysitting and just hanging out with Dustin and everyone was getting blurrier and how lame he was for having no friends his age when he tuned in to Max complaining about how she hadn’t finished her homework. 

“... cause Billy had a girl over last night...” 

Steve choked on his pizza. 

“You good, man?” Dustin asked.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m fine. What, uh, what were you saying, Max?”

Max stared at him in her very condescending way before starting back up again, talking about how irritating and gross her older brother was.

“You guys are friends now or something, right?” Max looked at Steve again, just curious this time. “Do you know who she is?”

“The- the girl?” Steve tried to talk like a normal person.

“Wait, wait wait.  _ Friends _ ?” Dustin repeated, switching back topics

“Yeah, I mean, kind of,” Steve admitted. Which was true. They were kind of friends.

“This is Billy we’re talking about?,” Mike was incredulous “Billy who gave you a concussion not six months ago?”

“Well, you know, people change.”

“I hope so,” Max half laughed. “Otherwise I feel sorry for this new girl, whoever she is.”

“Why?”   
“Dude, don’t act so surprised.” Lucas piped up. “He was a total shithead to Max and me when we started going out.”

“He was shit to me way before that.” Max cut in. “The nice thing is  _ new _ .”

“Not gonna lie, kinda racist.”

“And totally sexist.”

Steve’s mind raced. He knew he wasn't good at social cues, but he’d thought Billy was just a run-of-the-mill dickhead, not a possible-white-surpremacist-and-total-douchebag dickhead. Was he still like that? Could a person make up for that?

Was this a good idea? 

This, whatever it was he’d gotten himself into? Billy was less of a prick now, sure, but he’d been so horrible before. Steve couldn't really hold those two opposing ideals in his head. And what kind of whirlwind crazy pulp novel was he playing out sneaking into Billy's room and going out together in the middle of the night and getting hotter and heavier every time they were alone?

But the thought of stopping-

The thought of stopping felt wrong somewhere deep in the pit of his stomach. Not wrong like sick, but wrong, like, deeply incorrect. That was just not a possibility, let alone an answer. 

So what was Steve supposed to do?

  
  


Steve was no coward. So him avoiding Billy the following school day was not cowardice. It was mostly because he couldn't think of what to say.

Like were they even together? And if they were was that a good idea? Like, hold people accountable for their actions and stuff, but…

_ I don’t know. _

But Billy was unavoidable at lunch. 

“Are you avoiding me?” Billy already sounded kinda pissed. 

“Ok, before you-”

“Answer the question, Harrington.”

“Yeah, yes I’m avoiding you. But I’m just trying to figure-”

“Why?”

“I dunno, Billy. I just… maybe this is a bad idea, you know?”

“No,” Billy’s expression darkened. “No I don’t know. Enlighten me, Harrington.”

“See, this is why it could be a bad idea. You’re such an asshole at the drop of a hat and like, I’ve forgiven you for beating me within an inch of my life but you’ve been shit to the kids too and I know you have a lot going on, but… I dunno.”

Steve looked troubled and unsure but he had the strongest moral compass of anyone Billy had ever met. 

Steve was waiting, but Billy could never hope to possibly articulate the million thoughts and feelings racing through his head. 

_ You’re a shitty person. He wants to break it off because you’re a shitty person and you know it. _

_ I wasn’t always. Steve used to be shitty. _

“Are you gonna say anything?” Steve was either expectant or irritated 

Billy set his jaw. “What am I supposed to-”

“I’m not gonna talk to you if your going to be all agro.” Steve stood up a little straighter. 

“You don’t get to talk down to me like that.” Billy met his gaze. 

“I wasn’t trying to t-”

“No. You know, your life is ridiculously easy, Steve Harrington. You’re rich and people love you and your parents-” Billy cut himself off, hessitaing before going on “Point is, everything in your life has been handed to you on a silver fucking platter and nothing in my entire life has ever been easy. Somtimes people do shitty things for good fucking reaons, and- and it doesnt mean that some of the shit that I’ve pulled is ok, it just means you don’t get to tell me that’s how I am. You can’t take shit outta context.”

Steve blinked a couple of times. “Wow. Ok. Yeah,” Steve nodded. 

“Yeah.” Billy cooled off a little. 

“I’ll… keep that in mind.”

“You do that.”

They stood apart for a few seconds, still space between them, but Steve eventually leaned against the wall and sighed. 

“What?” Billy folded his arms. 

“You’re probably too pissed at me to wanna hang out later.” Steve said flatly. 

“I didn’t say that.”

Steve looked over. “Yeah?”

“What, you want a written invitation?”

Steve laughed a little. “People don’t usually let me off that easy.”

“You mean  _ Nancy _ didn’t let you off that easy.”

“Yeah,” Steve looked at his hands. “Guess so.”

Billy had just compared himself to Nancy. Barely, and briefly, but still. Nancy who Steve had been desperately in love with and dated for nearly a year. Nancy who changed his entire view of life and left him broken hearted only a few months ago. 

Steve was not stupid enough to ignore how he felt. He’d been in love before, he knew the warning signs. He knew what it meant when he couldn't eat, couldn't sleep well. He’d barely eaten anything for three days now. He’d almost fallen asleep in class just that day. And the thought not only of him having to break things off, but of Billy breaking it off because Steve had fucked up, absolutely terrified him. He needed to know that this wasn’t bullshit, like it had been before, with Nancy. 

But what would he say?

_ Wanna be my secret boyfriend?  _ Steve so desperately wanted to ask, but you couldn't just ask a guy something like that, even if you have been hooking up for a couple of weeks. 

“We know each other pretty well.”

“Yeah,” Billy thought on it. “I guess we do.”

“Seems like,” Steve picked his words very carefully. “If one of us was a girl,” He looked at the uneven brick lay of the wall,. “People might think we were… together. Or something.”

“They might.”

Steve glanced to his side to find Billy looking right at him, which he didn't usually do. 

“Would you think that?” Steve asked finally, both of them pretending nothing at all was happening still. 

“Yeah,” Billy sort of sighed. “Yeah I would.”

“Me too.” 


	7. Call Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey beans! Get ready for ruff boys being tender. I wrote this chapter first, actually, so I had to mine for continuity errors. If you catch one, lmk and ill fix it! Besides that, THANK YOU FOR OVER 2000 HITS AAAAAAAA  
All my love,  
Gogo

Steve, in an incurbay good mood for the majority of the week, saw a final dip in his grades for not paying attention to anything at all except Billy. Billy and his jacket. Billy and his hair. Billy and the way he drummed his fingers when he was bored in class. The evenness of his gait when he ran. The way he would laugh low in his throat when they were alone. 

_ Secret boyfriend secret boyfriend secret boyfriend.  _

Which was cool, no other word for it. 

So walking around, bumping into things and smiling like an idiot, he was almost unfazed when a would-be-familiar voice called his name just after the bell for lunch.

“Steve!”

Nancy tapped his shoulder insistently. She’d said his name a few times, probably. 

“Oh. Nancy. Hi.” 

She smiled at him. It was very forced. 

“Hey, so, uh,” She filled the silence “Jonathan and I are going to a party this weekend, kind of a last hurrah for the seniors, and I just wanted to make sure you got invited.”

Steve might have been pissed that no one except his ex had bothered to invite him. And it was clearly out of pity. But he kinda just didn't care? 

“Oh, uh, that’s really nice of you, just uh,” Steve glanced over his shoulder to where he knew Billy would be walking any second, having memorized his class schedule. “I kinda have plans this weekend.”

“Steve,” Nancy stepped closer to him, sympathy in her tone. “I know you don’t really have friends right now. I think it would be good for you to, you know, go out. Hangout with people your age.”   
“Uh, thanks Nance, but really, I gotta go. See you later. Maybe. Bye.” 

“Oh- ok. Um, bye.” Nancy furrowed her brow but Steve pushed past her anyway. 

_ Why’d I blow her off? _

Steve sort of stopped in the hallway. Nancy had just tried talking to him. He’d blown her off. Kind of flippantly, too. Should he say sorry or something? It wasn't like she was graduating, he’d still have to see her so they may as well be on good terms. But like, she’d try to talk to him, and he hadn't totally panicked internally. He’d been all tough about their breakup but actually gotten choked up about it a couple of times. In like, a manly way, though. Yeah, manly heartbreak. Manly complete and total soul crushing heartbreak that’d taken him months to get past even a little. And just as he was recovering, there was Billy. Who was so just different from Nancy. Maybe that’s what Steve liked about him. He didn't have to be the only person driving the relationship. 

_ Relationship??? _

Oh, they were definitely secret dating. 

What a way to move on. Figure out you’re a total fruit loop, hook up with your ex-bully until you start actually developing feelings. This was so weird and amazing. 

Because despite the weird and totally, like, taboo nature of the whole situation, Steve felt kind of… free.

“There’s like, a big party this Saturday or something. Nancy told me about it. Are you going?”

Billy almost scoffed. “No.”

“Why not? I’m sure everyone'd love to see you.”

“I’m not gonna waste my fucking time with people like that.”

“What, you mean like kiss-ups?”

“Yeah, exactly. Besides,” He leaned back. “Wouldn’t get to talk to you that much if we did go.”

“We?”

“Yes, we, Harrington.” Billy 

“Cool.”

“Shut up.”

There weren't any clouds that night. Despite the rain - maybe because of it, all the clouds had burned off and the sky was crystal clear right into sunset.

Billy picked Steve up, and almost let him drive before opting to just let Steve direct him to the top of one of the hills just outside of town. This wasn't a janitorial closet after school. This wasn't Wendy’s at midnight. This was watching the sunset, parked on a ridge, sitting near enough on the back of your car that your knees touched splitting a 40. This was a date.

“Didn’t know you were so into nature, Harrington.” Billy watched Steve’s complexion warm in the gold-ish light.

“I’m not really. I just like sunsets like this.”

“Most sunsets are like this back home.”   
“No need to brag. We get it, Cali is superior.”

“Don’t call it Cali.”

“Why?” Steve laughed.

“It’s just deeply uncool.”   
“According to you I’m deeply uncool.”

“Yeah, you are.”

Steve laughed again. 

Everything just kept getting easier. 

Steve leaned his head against Billy’s shoulder. Billy set his arm around Steve’s neck. Neither of them said anything about it. It was just nice.

Billy couldn't remember the last time he’d been this close to another person that he wasn't just hooking up with. They had just been hooking up, but this felt like something else. He could feel Steve breathing, existing, so close to him. He ran his thumb across the exposed skin of Steve’s arm, almost without meaning to. 

“We should do this again sometime.” Steve said.

“Yeah,” Billy shifted closer “We should.”

The clouds came back the next day.

It shouldn't rain this much in late spring. In southern California, it hardly rained at all. Some people hated that. Billy loved it. Sort of made you feel like the sun was always charging you up. Even at night, the concrete would still be warm. The rain sparked in the streetlight. There should be more street lights. You could barely see anything at night in Hawkins. In LA, the whole city glowed 24/7. 

Why did he have to be here, now, in the pouring rain?

Mostly because he couldn't bare to stay inside.

He hoped Max hadn't heard too much of what his dad had said. He didn't usually think about Max when stuff like this happened. But he didn't want it to get to her, not now. Not just when things could start getting better. 

Billy could usually deal with this kind of shit himself. Usually he could just patch himself up and pretend like nothing happened, but dumbass that he was he’d punched the fucking tile part of the kitchen wall after his dad left him alone and two fingers were probably broken. No one was ever allowed to see Billy like this, he’d promised himself that when he was like nine. And he certainly didn’t ask for help. But it was fucking imposible to even hold shit right now, and it was gettng harder not to cry. When it was especially bad, Billy tended to wish for his mom- his  _ real _ mom. She could deal with this; even if she couldnt for herself, she could for him. 

She left. He reminded himself. She left you to deal with this and you can.

_ I can’t. _

This time around, as he sat on the curb outside his house, trying and failing to smoke in the pouring rain, he found himself wishing Steve were there. He should be trying not to think about it, and escpeially not about him, he’d let it go too far already, but what if he just asked, just this once, for even a little fucking help. There was a payphone at the gas station not two blocks from his house, but the whole walk there, all he could think was:

_ You don't deserve it. You don't deserve help.  _

Even as the phone rang: 

_ You piece of shit, he doesn't care about you. You shouldn't care about him. _

_ Please pick up. Please pick up, Harrington.  _

“Harrington residence, this is Steve.”

Billy leaned against the phone box, already relieved. 

“Hey, it’s, uh, it’s Billy.” 

“Hey.” Steve’s voice crackled through the receiver. “What’s up?”

Billy didn’t respond for a second. Then,

“Can I come over?”

“It’s like 1 am.”

“Yeah I know can I just- Can I please come over?” Billy tried to control his tone. 

_ Don’t cry. Don’t you fucking cry. _

“Yeah. Yeah, sure.”

“Cool. Thanks.”

“Yeah.” Steve already sounded worried. 

“See you in a bit.”

“See you.”

Billy stood in front of Steve’s door for longer than he would have liked, seeing if the doorbell worked, it didn't, before knocking with his left hand. The two fingers on his right were almost definitely broken. 

_ I’m so fucking stupid.  _

And it was probably worse than he realized, because Steve looked kinda freaked when he answered the door. 

“Dude,” Steve grabbed Billy’s arm to pull him inside. “The fuck happened to you? Did you get into a fight?”

“No.” Billy’s fingers ached like a bitch.

“Jesus, man.” Steve gave him a quick once over before dragging him up the stairs, turning on lights as he went.

“Aren’t your parents home?” Billy couldn't help looking around, it was a nice house. Parquet floors and fireplaces and shit. He hadn’t realized Steve’s family had so much money. 

“No, away for the weekend. They usually are.”

“Why aren’t you throwing ragers all the time? I would.”

“I used to.” Steve led billy through a door at the end of a huge-ass hallway. Billy only got a glimpse of what must have been Steve’s bedroom before he was pushed into a literal master bathroom, with a clawfoot bathtub and marble counters. 

“Dude, your house is massive.”

“Yeah,” Steve said absently, crouching in front of the sink to rummage around in the cabinet beneath. “Guess so.”

“You guess?” Billy looked down just as Steve was standing back up with an army grade first aid kit. 

Billy had tried to think of the most deliberating and least embarrassing way to ask for help with his hand, but completely unprompted, that was the conclusion Steve had drawn. To help. Like it was nothing.

They sat on the floor, and even if his house was like a small mansion, Steve didn’t really seem like the rich kids Billy had met. Especially with a small flashlight in his teeth as he examined Billy’s hand. In the moment of silence, Billy thought how just feeling Steve’s hands against his was oddly calming. 

“Yeah, these two are just bruised, but this one’s broken. Not bad, but still.” Steve pointed to Billy’s ring finger, clicking off the flashlight. “What’d you do?”

“Punched a wall.”

Steve laughed a little. “Of course. Punch a wall with your face, too?”

He turned Billy's chin away to better look at the damage. Even as Steve remarked on the various injuries, he didn't take his other hand off Billy. It went from his chin to his neck to his shoulder, lingering, gentle.

Steve reported as he went. Split lip. Bruises already turning yellow on his cheekbone. Not the worst he’d ever seen, though. General dings.

“How bad is it, doc?” Billy joked.

“I mean, your hand is pretty fucking bad. I’m not sure how well I could set it. Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital or something?”

“Definitely not.”

“You wanna shower first?”   
“What?” Billy was taken aback. 

“Dude, you’re soaking wet.”

“I don't exactly have a change of clothes.” He was saying when Steve got back up to rummage around in his room’s closet. 

“Here.” Steve threw a pair of sweatpants and Hawkins High Basketball t shirt at him. 

Billy examined them sort of surprised. How was Steve so easily kind to people? And why did he have such an intense first aid kit? It was like he was used to beat up kids showing up at his house in the middle of the night. 

The clothes smelled like Tide. Was it weird for him to wear Steve’s clothes? They were more or less the same size, if Steve was slimmer. Maybe it was only weird if he thought it was.  _ Don’t make it weird. _

Billy insisted he didn’t need painkillers until Steve basically ordered him to take two and finish the glass of water besides.

“How are you-” Billy was cut off by the pain of rubbing alcohol against one of his injuries. He sucked air in through his teeth, trying not to flinch. “How are you so good at this?” 

Steve has already wrapped up his fingers, and was taking each injury on his face one at a time. 

“Practice.”

“With what?”

“You know. Babysitting.”

“Didn’t know babysitting could be so high stakes.”

“Yeah, well.” Steve laughed a little. “Ok, there.” He sat back to examine the various patches. “You should be good.”

“Thanks.”

Steve shrugged. “Yeah, my pleasure.”

Billy smiled a little. “You’re really fucking weird, you know that Harrington?”

“Yeah I know.”

There was a pause.

“You gonna tell me what happened?” Steve asked.

“Nope.”

“Alright.” Steve chewed his cheek a little. “So… how was your Thursday?”

“Not great.”

“Right, yep, should have guessed.” Steve motored. “My day was pretty good, if you were wondering, which you probably weren't but yeah. I helped Dustin fix his bike, which was cool. I ate mac n cheese for all three meals. I uhhhhh-”

“You don’t have to just talk to talk, Steve.”

“Right. Sorry.”

Billy tried to think of something nice to say, but all he came up with was:

“Why is your best friend a literal eighth grader?”

Steve looked more thoughtful than usual. “I guess we've been through a lot together.”

“How’s that?”

“Oh, you know. The trials and tribulations of life. Last year was a bit of a rough one..”

“Yeah,” Billy sighed. “It was.”

Steve stared at him for a few moments. Then he sort of dropped his head over to rest between Billy’s neck and shoulder. Billy leaned his head against Steve’s. Neither spoke for a while. 

“When’ do you want me to leave?” Billy asked eventually.

“Whenever. Do you have somewhere to be at-” Steve checked Billy's watch, picking up his non-battered hand. “Two-thirty am?”

Billy half laughed. “I do not.” He looked at Steve. “Why are you still awake anyway?”

Steve grimaced “I don’t really sleep.”

“What, afraid of the monster under your bed?”

“Pretty much.” Steve sighed. 

“Why?” Billy laughed. 

“Oh,” Steve looked at him, mocking seriousness. “Sorry, man. That’s classified.”

“Very mysterious.”

“I’m a mysterious guy.” 

Steve suggested they watch a movie, Billy thought that could be fun. They went down to the basement to go through all Steve’s favorite VHS tapes until Billy found his copy of Scarface and would hear no other options. Steve found out he talked through movies. It was a relief compared to the facts and shushing of the kids and Steve missed having friends. Because maybe they were sort of a thing because that would totally not be cool with anyone ever but it was cool with them and he got to not be lonely. Finally. Not lonely. 

They got to make each other laugh and Billy would pause it to explain trivia Steve had never heard and got to make fun of illy for Knowing things and Billy got to punch him in the shoulder- but not that hard. 

“What’s the deal with your parents?” Billy asked after a while, pointing vaguely to one of the pictures on the wall of a ten-year-old Steve. “They’re never here.”

“They’re fine, I guess. They’re nice, but we don’t see much of each other. Why?”

“Just curious.”

“What’s the deal with yours?”

Billy mimicked Steve’s comment from earlier. “Sorry, man. That’s classified.”

Billy had meant for it to be a joke, but he could see the gears turning in Steve’s brain, and Steve was stupid, but he wasn’t dumb. His expression softened for a second. He studied Billy. 

“What?” Billy felt himself getting defensive by default. 

“Nothing.”

Instead of saying anything else, or asking questions, Steve just shifted closer, leaning their shoulders together, and kept watching the movie. 

It could have been that no movement happened at all, but eventually the leaning when from shoulder to chest to arm and back again and Billy was leaning against Steve’s chest, which he never did, and never would have done, and Steve could wrap an arm around his shoulders and Billy could hook a hand around Steve’s arm and Steve could push his fingers through the curls that framed Billy’s face. 

This couldn't be real, this never would have happened. 

And here it was, happening. 

And one or both of them knew what it meant. 

But they both fell asleep before either one could say anything, and forgot by the time they woke up. 

  
  



	8. "Wow"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey gang. I had a big ol rough time but I'm still alive so everything will be fine. Chapter Nine is already almost done so hopefully I'll have that up sooner than this one. Also, I need a new beta! if you're interested in beta ing this pic, comment and/or hit me up @ cliveiscancelled on Tumblr! I neeeeeeeeed a proofreader and editor and stuff. Thank you all so much for the love , it really keeps me going.  
All my love to you,  
Gogo
> 
> P.S. *Owen Wilson voice*: wow

Steve overspelt. Which came as a shock to him.

He hadn't slept like that since before… well, since before everything. 

Billy woke him up. Billy who looked ready to leave for school, back in dry clothes and Steve who was still in his pajamas with unbrushed teeth.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“Ah, you looked too cute.”

“Asshole,” Steve called over his shoulder. 

Billy left before Steve. Steve got to school late. And they silently agreed not to look at each other. But Steve laughed a little under his breath at the dumb pun he used to throw around-

They’d slept together. Weird they hadn't done anything the whole time Billy had been over. They were alone, and still, no anything. They didn't eat together at lunch, the more real it got outside of school the less real it had to be at school, in the harsh light of day. 

Going home after school was weird too.

It wasn't like she'd kissed goodbye or anything. They could have been just friends. But no, they couldn't have. Steve stood blankly in his living room when he got home, unsure of how to exist, really. His skin felt heavier; not in a bad way, just like it was more attached to the rest of him. More real, maybe. And he was unreasonably sad, and didn't really want to think about why. All his tells were there, he’d fallen for people enough to know his own tells right at the beginning. He didn’t eat almost all for days on end. He got clumsier, tripping his own feet, distracted. And just then, when Billy left, the only thing he could think to do was lay face down on his own bed and try to pick apart what Billy smelled like. 

Cigarettes, obviously. Also maybe leather. And some kind of cologne he was unfamiliar with. 

He thought back to what Nancy smelled like. Pharmacy perfume, but the subtle floral ones. Tasteful stuff. Sort of made him feel lighter. And dark and gritty as cigarettes and leather smelled, they made him feel sort of light, too. 

Steve was decently better from all the shit that happened in november, and especially fine during the day, around people. White noise and light. Nighttime and silence still did not serve him that well though, and he wasn't about to tell Billy that, but that was probably the best he’d slept since before anything. His neck hurt from being conked out, sprawled on an old couch, Billy’s full bodyweight pressing him down, but honestly? Small price to pay. Because he had slept. He’d relaxed enough to sleep. 

Dustin mentioned it.

“You’re in a good mood. Does it have anything to do with your new lay-day?”

“Dustin,” Steve was exasperated, still couldn't help smiling. 

“What?”

“Just... I don't even know. I’m not gonna tell you who it is.”

“Why?”

“Because!”

“Pleeeeeease. Please Please Please-”

“Oh my god! Fine, fine you know what? I wish I could tell you, but I can’t. Like I actually can’t.”

“Whyyyyyyy?”

“You have to trust me man. It’s- it’s complicated.”

Dustin narrowed his eyes at Steve, more smug than ever. “Complicated like you’re falling for this girl and you don’t know if she feels the same?”   
“Ok,” Steve tilted his head back in total exasperation. “Complicated like just complicated, ok?”

“Man, you’ve got it bad.”

-

_ Subversive.  _

Billy read that somewhere once. Gays and russians. Subversive. It was a really fancy word for the simple cutting ones he’d hear from his dad sometimes. The kind of words he could not make eye contact with and only pretend to hear. Because it wasn't like he could go to school with too many bruises. 

Subversive sounded like a word secret agents would use, not a textbook talking about threats to the American Way. 

Subversive sounded like… dunno. Rebellion maybe.

“Max,” Billy asked across the living room.

“Yeah?”

“What’re you doing right now?”

Max flipped up her math textbook. “That’s gotta be a trick question.”

“Let’s do something.”

‘What?”

“Yeah, like ice cream or something.”

“Ok?” Max almost smiled. 

Billy looked for and found his keys. Max changed her shoes. He let her choose the radio station for like five minutes and then took back over when he couldn't handle a double down on Bonnie Tyler. 

“God, you’re worse than Steve.” Billy mumbled.

“First name basis?” She jabbed. “What are you guys, besties or something?”

“Yeah, were fuckin besties, Max. That what you wanna hear?”

“How’d that even happen?”

“Mutual respect.” Billy said easily.

“Since when do you respect anyone?”

Billy shrugged. “You gotta respect people that could take you in a fight.”

“You beat the shit outta him.”

“Chyeah. I totally did.”

“Still weirded out you’re respecting people now.” Max rolled her eyes. 

“Eh, I respect you. Tranqued me, didn’t you?”

“ _ That’s _ what it takes to get you to stop being such an asshole?”

“Different strokes.” Billy almost joked. 

“I would have threatened your life  _ so _ much sooner.” 

He harshed her a bit for being a terrible co pilot while they were parking. 

Max bumped his shoulder a bit as they walked back to the car from the drug store. He didn't really mind. Just shoved the back of her head a little. 

“Hey!”

“Hey, yourself.”

Back in the car:

“You know, Steves really cool.”

“No he’s not.” Billy laughed. 

“I just meant I’m glad you're friends with him, and not like, Tommy H. or someone. Steve’s not a dick.”

“I get it, Max,” Billy bit the end of his ice cream cone. “You wish you had Steve Harringon for your older brother.”

“I didn’t say that.”

Later that afternoon, almost evening, when everything had slowed down, and Billy was alone, he was more…. Calm than he expeted to be. Less panicked, less thoughts, less everything. He touched his broken bandaged fingers, which was a bad idea because they still really really hurt, but he sort of had too, to make sure they still had Steve’s like, healing touch r htver, wrapped up in them. Billy’s dad hadn't noticed, which was good, but he was pretty sure Max had. She hadn’t said anything, which was a relief but also sort of stressed him out because she was probably trying to figure something out. 

Billy kept staring at his hand. It was stupid of him to actually try out Man vs. actual tile wall, get his hand busted up, cry, that as all dumb as shit. But Steve hadn't pailed at any of it. Like any way that Billy was he could roll with. And before, Billy had found comfort in Steve being at arms length, just someone to hook up with when he felt like it, but he’d fallen asleep listening to Steve’s heartbeat last night, which was definitely much closer than arm's length, but… maybe that was ok. It was more and more real every time they saw each other, and that was ok. More than ok. Billy  _ wanted _ to see Steve. Started thinking about it, couldn’t stop. Like, where was he right now? What was he doing? Was he free?

And what was he thinking about?

A knock on Billy’s door snapped him out of his thoughts.

“It’s Max.” Her voice called.

He relaxed a little. He got up to open the door.

“I’m going to the arcade with friends.” She looked apprehensive.

Billy shrugged. ”Ok.”

“My mom said I had to tell you if i made plans.”

“Ok.”

“You’re not gonna like, interrogate me?”

“No.”

“Ok.” She relaxed. “Will you be here when I get back?”

Billy shrugged again. “Probably.”

“Ok.” She stood there for a couple more seconds. Then she finally said “Bye.”

“Later, Max.”

Once she was gone, Billy had to stop himself from flat out running to the payphone. 

-

It was pouring buckets, not totally unusual for a Hawkins spring, but it did make it impossible for the kids to bike back from the arcade. Will had already been picked up. Mrs. Wheeler could only fit Mike and Lucas’ bikes in her car. Which meant Dustin called Steve to get him and Max home. They actually consider calling Billy, but Dustin was deeply irked by this suggestion. 

So they called Steve maybe a million times. 

“He’s not gonna pick up.” Max leaned against the wall.

“Yes, he is. He’s Steve. He has to be home.”

Steve was home. But he wasn't really in the mood to pick up the phone just then, because when it started ringing he was undoing the final button of Billy’s red shirt he wore over only because he knew it was Steve’s favorite to take off. 

_ Hotter and heavier.  _

“Do you need to get that?” Billy asked when it rang a second time, voice low against Steve’s ear. 

“Definitely not.” Steve half-said back, trying not to moan outright from where Billy’s fingertips dug into his ribs.

Steve thought maybe Billy was making it harder for him to breathe on purpose, kisses deeper, grip stronger, when a voicemail echoed through the house.

“Steve! Pick up! It’s Dustin-

Steve sat bolt upright, pushing Billy off himself in the process. 

“And Max!”

Billy stopped trying to pull Steve back down.

“And were stranded at the arcade. If you get this please come pick us up.”

“Shit.” Steve groaned. 

It was the closest call known to man. Billy was supposed to be home. Steve was supposed to get Max and Dunstin practically yesterday, and neither of them were dressed almost at all. The phone rang incessantly.

Steve had to call back. 

“Steve! Finally. I called like five fucking times.”

“Yeah, I noticed, what’s- shit” Steve knocked into his dresser trying to put on a shirt and use the phone at the same time “You said- fuck- you said you need a ride?”

“Everything good?”

“Yeah, Everything’s fine. Should I come get you?”

Yes please, right away. 

Steve finally was dressed, trying and failing to flatten the back of his hair, both he and Billy tripping over themselves to get to their respective cars.

“The arcade is closer than your house and I would have to take max home first which means I’ll just take the long way back-”

“Steve.”

“Hm?” Steve turned around only to get pushed back against the front door as Billy kissed him.

“See you later.” He said when he pulled away.

Steve had to stand and collect himself for a few seconds before running to his car. 

When he finally pulled up to the arcade and honked a couple of times, the sun had already set. They kids cheered when Steve got out to help with their bikes.

“What took you so long?” Dustin 

“I was busy!” Steve tried to defend.

“With the secret girlfriend?” Max rased her eyebrows.

Steve Whipped around to Dustin. “You told her?!”

“Tell her? I didn’t tell her anything! I didn’t say anything to anybody-!”

“Dustin, do you have any idea-”

“He didn't tell me.” Max cut in, trying not to laugh. “I just guessed.”

“Oh my god.” Steve pushed his rain drenched hair out of his face. “Just get in the car, please.”

After successfully wedging the bikes in the back of his car, permanently damaging the upholstery with water and mud, and getting on the road in silence, Max started up with the same question Dustin had.

“So what’s her name-”

“No.” Steve didn't know if he should laugh or not. Really and truly, this was the end of his rope s far as keeping secrets. 

They kept trying, he kept evading. This was really playing with fire because it was Max. Billy’s actual sister who he saw every fucking day. Who had already been on his case about them being friends. 

Billy’s car was in the driveway, which was good, but they had to knock three or four times because Max forgot her key. 

Somehow, Steve hadn't prepared himself from one moment with Billy to the next, meaning when Billy pulled the door open, hair still wet, skin still extra warm, Steve had no idea how to act like a normal person. The two of them looked at each other for a moment longer than was normal or necessary. 

“Aren’t you guys supposed to be friends now?” Max pushed her way into the house, dripping onto the floor. 

Steve tripped over his words saying hi and Billy offered to help with Max’s bike and it was a total disaster but it was raining and Max rolled her eyes so maybe it seemed more awkward than it really was. Hopefully. 

“What took you?” Steve mumbled to Billy when the kids were out of earshot/

Billy gave him a sideways glance. “Blue balls is a serious medical condition, Harrington.”

Steev laughed out loud. It caught Max’s attention. She turned around to give them both a look before Steve decided he should probably leave, have a nice evening, and ran back through the rain to his car. 

“You know your shoes are untied?” Dustin said when he got back.

“Yeah, I know.” Steve sighed, leaning back in the driver’s seat. 

“And your shirt’s inside out.”

“Yeah, Dustin, I got it.”

They were both quiet for a while.

“Steve,” Dustin started “Are you… ok?”   
“Yeah. I am, actually.”

“That’s… good.”

Steve thought about many things in the span of time it took to drive to Dustin’s house. Dustin probably was his best friend, he realized, and honestly, if they really were brothers, that would be fine with him. Nancy said for her first year of Junior High, Mike was her only friend even though he was grades younger. They were a lot closer back then. 

He also thought about what it meant to be someone's role model. Because Steve knew other people carried a lot of hate around, and he didn't really know how to articulate that, but he didn't want Dustin to be one of those people, ever in his life. 

They stopped at the curb in front of Dustin's house. The headlights of Steve’s car caught the light of the rain like crystals falling from the sky.

“Dustin, I gotta tell you something.”

Dustin turned all the way sideways in his seat, more excited than he probably should have been. 

“Who’s the girl?” He leaned across the break in the seats, excited for Steve to impart upon him the knowledge of life, love, and hairstyling like he always did. Steve smiled again, then stopped. 

“It’s…it’s not... listen, Dustin,” He gestured in Dustin’s direction, opened his mouth, and closed it again.

“What seems to be the problem, officer?” Dustin raised an eyebrow. 

“Sometimes….” Fuck, Steve was bad at this. Was this what coming out of the closet was? Was there a closet to begin with?

Dustin rolled his hand, trying to get him to keep going.

“Listen, you have to promise not to freak out. Like swear. Swear on your life.” Steve began.   
“I swear on my life, I gotta know, man.”

“Great.”

“So….?”

Steve had to close his eyes to get the words out. 

“This person I'm seeing… is… not… a girl.”

There was a very very very long pause in which Steve reconsidered all of his life choices and thought about skipping town and changing his name and-

“Wow.” Dustin leaned back a little. “Wow, that’s. Wow.”

“Yeah.” Steve grimaced. 

“Wow.”

“Yep.”

“I mean, I support you, just… wow.”

“Mhm.” Steve nodded a couple of times. 

“Well, good for you for, uh- wait, are you gay?”   
“No,” Steve said assuredly “Yes?” Not so assured. “Maybe? I don’t know.”

“You could be bisexual. You know David Bowie said he is.”

“How do you know that? You're like, thirteen.”   
“I’m fourteen, Steve. You were at my birthday party.”

“Oh, right.” 

“Well, It’s a bit of a shock, but considering what the gang’s been through I’m sure-”

“Woah woah woah no. You cannot tell anyone about this. Not Mike, not Lucas, no one.”

“Why? I really think-”

“Just, please?”

“Why”

“So many reasons.”

“Like what?

“Like the Wheelers are crazy conservative and this i sa small ass town where if more than two people know something, everyone knows.”

Dustin nodded a few times. 

“Can I at least know who it is?” Dustin leaned over a bit.

“Man, c’mon-”

“You come on! Steve, you’re like, I dunno, my older brother! Whoever this young man is, I’m sure I’d love to meet him.”

Steve groaned aloud. He let his head fall against the steering wheel.

“You’ve already met him, unfortunately.” Steve mumbled. 

“What?”

Steve screwed his eyes shut and signed, almost pained. 

Steve mumbled as much of his response as possible.

“It’s who?”

More mumbling.

“Steve, c’mon-”   
“It’s Billy, ok? It’s-”

“Billy?! Hargrove?!”

“Dude, I swear-”

“You’re dating Billy  _ fucking _ Hargrove?”

“Well, we’re not exactly dating-”

“Don’t gimme that bullshit, man. You’ve been weird for weeks and obviously totally lve struck-”

“No one said anything about love-”

“Dear god man! Why him?”

“I don't know! I don’t know. He just- he’s cool-”

“Toru Iwatani is cool. Billy’s fucking insane!”   
“Who’s Toro Ir-whatever?”

“Toru Iwatani is the original designer of Pac Man.”

“What does Pac Man have to do with any of this?”

“It doesn't! My point is Billy is an asshole of the highest degree and-”

“C’mon don’t say that. He’s not an asshole all the time, ok?”

“What about the shit he’s done to Max? To the Goonies at large?”

“Dustin, sometimes, shitty people are shitty for good reasons, ok? Doesn’t make the stuff they do ok, but it does mean that if they want to change and be better, you need to give them the space to do that. Everyone’s done shitty stuff- he beat the crap outta me but I forgave him. I was a dick to you guys too,once upon a time, and you forgave me. You don’t have to trust him or anything just, give it a chance, please?”

Dustin stared at Steve in a way that made him lean back. He did not love getting the ninth degree from an 8th grader.

“Dude, you're playing with fire.”   
“Yeah, I know.” Steve pushed his hair back again.

“You really like him, like that?” 

Steve slid down in his seat. He sighed. “Yeah.”

“ _ Really _ ?”

“Yeah, really.” Steve smiled a little. He looked at Dustin who was looking at him like he was crazy.

“You’re crazy.”

“I thought I was awesome?”

“A person can be both, Steve.”

-

Billy was worried maybe the rainwater soaking the living room carpet or the bandages on his hand would start something, but his dad didn't notice anything when he got home. Thanked him for making sure Max got home safe. 

Billy felt his broken finger twinge. 

Billy hid out in his room, still opting most of the time to be alone, even if Max was less annoying. Or maybe he was less annoyed. 

He was kind of lost in thought, he guessed?

Something had been different when he’d seen Steve earlier, like as soon as Billy got to Steves again empty house they couldn't keep their hands off each other. It made his stomach buzz and his head get kinda fuzzy thinking about Steve grinning at him and teasing him and dragging him up to his room and kissing him as hard as he could and tugging off his own shirt unprompted and laughing and groaning and every single wonderful thing that Steve did that drove Billy absolutely crazy. This was bad. Or it was very very good but it was one of the two. Billy couldn't really remember ever feeling like this before, because of course he'd been crazy about guys before, but those guys had kept him at arm's length, and all he’d ever gotten was a kiss or two and the shit kicked out of him after one of them. 

Steve was different. It sounded stupid and overused to his own ears, but Steve got Billy in a way he didn't think anyone could get anyone else. Like jesus, this was how it was supposed to feel. This was the thing people wrote songs about, wasn't it?

Max knocked on Billy’s bedroom door. It startled him.

It was easier and easier to talk to each other, so she’d started just sort of walking in when it was open even if he told her to go back out and try again. But she knocked

“Billy?”

“What.” He sat up.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Depends.”

Max inhaled nervously, shutting Billy’s bedroom door behind her. He looked from her to the door, and back again. Right then he knew what she was gonna ask. She’d seen through it all How stupid were they to be dumb as shit aroudn each other and sneak around, dissapreing and repaering at the same times. How stupid was he to go and fool aroudn with a guy in a small town becaus ewha if it wanst just max that knew? And she knew. He could see it.

“It’s about… Steve Harrington.”

“Get out.” Billy stood, crossed the room.

“Billy-”

“I'm serious, Max, get the fuck out of my room.”

“I just wanna know!”

“Of fucking course I’m not-”

“I know you’re lying.”

“Oh, good for you.”

“I wouldn't care, you know, if you were.”

“That’s great.”

“I’m serious. I wouldn't tell anyone. I just want to know.”

“Max, for the last time-”

“I found his shirt in your car! The basketball one. It has his name on it, dumbass.”

“And just what were you doing digging around in my car?”

“Looking for my notebook, if you must know, but also trying to figure out if the reason you keep sneaking out in the middle of the night is _Steve_ _Harrington-_”

Billy clamped a hand over her mouth, not angry, she realized, just scared. She’d scared him. 

“Keep. Your voice. Down.”

He took his hand away. 

She stared at him. It might have been a challenge. Might have been an invitation. He couldn't tell. 

“Sorry.” She whispered. 

He chewed his bottom lip, thinking, debating. She already knew, what use was there in denying it? But could he even bring himself to say a thing like that outloud?

Well, yeah. He almost  _ wanted _ to.

“This doesn't leave this room. Understand?”

She nodded. 

“We’re not dating. We can’t. You think people are gonna be down with that shit in Middle of Nowhere, Indiana?”

“They would be back home. Some of them.”

“Real doubtful.” He opened the door. “I answered your question, get the fuck out.”

She stared at him for a second, brow furrowed. 

“What?” He leaned back a little. 

Max threw her arms around his neck, pulling him down slightly in a hug. 

“Max, the fuck-”   
“Let me hug you, asshole.”

He did. Even hugged her back a little, wrapping one arm across her shoulders. She was so small. 

He didn’t say anything else until she let go. Probably the most affectionate they’d ever been with each other.

“Don’t ever go through my stuff again, ever.” 

-

Steve had never really been like, addicted to cigarettes. He knew that was a thing that happened, but he didn’t smoke all too much. He’d seen people jonze, though, and this thing he was feeling? This was jonzing. He  _ needed _ to see Billy, as soon as possible, as much as possible. It was terrible, or amazing, one of the two for sure. Constantly on edge, nervous, jumpy, made it kinda hard to focus. 

Desperate.

Steve was totally desperate. 

Which is probably what compelled him to drive to Billy’s house in the middle of the fucking night and throw rocks at his window like an unhinged gay romeo. 

When the light in Billy room flicked on Steev felt a rush liek no otehr and then felt very very stupid for probably endagering both f them with his actions in the last few hours, but he had to see billy, absolulty had to, and was just startin to get why. 

The blinds split for a second, then the light went back off. Maybe sends later, Billy was walking around the side of the house, sweatpants tucked into boots. 

“Hey.” Steve wisepred, smiling liek a fucing idiot he was sure. 

“The fuck compelled you to throw rocks at my fucking window?”

“I had to see you.” The very painful truth.

“Why?”

“Dunno. Wanna come over for a bit?”

Billy looked back up at his dark and quiet house. 

“Yeah, sure.”

They started talking when they got a bit father from Billy’s house, under the streetlights and mist just beyond where Steve had parked.

“I told Dustin.” Steve said in a rush. He didn't really know what Billy would do or say or anything but he’d figured he’d be mad. He wasn’t. “He promised not to tell anyone else, or anything.”

“That’s fine.”

“You’re not pissed?”

“No. Max figured it out.”

“Shit, really? Man, she is good.”

“Or she’s really fucking nosey.”

They got into Steve’s car. 

“Are you like, worried?” Steve paused before turning the key.

“No. Are you?”

“Guess not. I don’t feel like they’d tell anyone.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

Steve was about to start the car, when:

“I’ve made a lot of bad decisions,” Billy started, quietly, the roll of his voice more audible at a lower level. “But not this.”

_ This. _

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. This is a good one. You’re a really good person, Steve.”

“Thank you.” Steve stared at the steering wheel, thinking for the millionth time how warm Billy was close to him. “I sure as hell didn’t used to be.”

Maybe Billy jonzed as much as he did.


	9. Days to Graduation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS This took me a million years to finish because I combined the last two chapters into one big long one and THERE"S AN UNOFFICAL SEQUEL (because this ending was a lil too open ended for my taste) so check out the link to that in the end notes!  
I'm so grateful to all yall that have been here for the whole wild ride and those who just found this puppy, this fic got me through a rough patch and im so glad you're all here to see it though.  
All my love and more,  
Gogo

Steve remebered the first time he’d had sex with Nancy. There was this moment, he wasn't really sure when that he sort of knew meant no going back with her. Like a point of no return. She made him feel so much so fast so completely, he didn’t have a choice about falling in love anymore. He became a sort of… devoted to her. He’d do anything she wanted, ever, thinking she must feel the same way, she must want to do the same. And then she didn't. 

No doubt in his mind he’d been in love. No doubt in his mind she didn’t care, she never felt the same way. He remembered realizing she loved jonathan and feeling gross. Like awful horrible gross about being alive. He might have been angry, but that would just be stupid. 

So when Steve realized how he felt about Billy  _ in this particular way _ , that was the first time he felt bad about the whole thing. Scared, weird, gross, guilty, and he hadn't before. Because maybe it had been like not real almost before? And they were actually friends in a large capacity. But something about how safe and sane and together he felt around Billy, Billy who was crazy and mean and brazen and funny and almost protective sometimes, made him feel  _ happy _ . 

Safe enough and happy enough and real enough that it was kind of a total turn-on.

Just knowing  _ that _ made his stomach twist, he had to think about breathing to pull it off, he had to focus on words other people said when Billy was around or he’d just zone out in Billy’s direction. Being at school got more and more impossible. It felt like holding his breath until nightfall, when they could go anywhere, do anything. 

But it didn't matter how Steve felt if he was the only one who felt that way. 

Again.

They parked back up on top of the ravine, and Steve didn’t know how they'd gotten here in conversation, but they had. 

Billy exhaled smoke through his nose. Steve liked to watch the smoke curl around Billy’s face in the fading light. “Don’t tell me your a virgin, Harrington.”

“What?” Steve scoffed, he realized overzealously. “No. I’m- I’m not a virgin.”

“Ok.” Billy laughed, 

“I’m not!”   
“Yeah, I believe you.”

“No, seriously.”

“So you only ever did it with Nancy Wheeler?”

“I did… stuff, with other girls.”

“ _ Wow _ , you’re  _ such _ a stud.”

“ What, like you are?”

“Yeah, Steve. I am.” 

“Really?”

“Sure. Before we moved, i’d scored like half the girls in my grade.”

Steve turned on his side to look at Billy. “Why?”

“Because I could.” Billy responded evenly, after a pause.    
Steve didn’t say anything right away. 

“Have… did you ever-?”

“No.” Billy knew what he was going to ask. 

“Cause you said, you'd… kissed… a guy before.”

“That’s it.”

“Why?”

“ _ Why _ ?” Billy’s tone darkened. “Why do you think, Steve?”

Steve thought about it. 

Two reasons he could come up with. That was a line in the sand, for one. Like if you did something like that, there wasn't any going back, was there? Once you knew, well. You knew.

For two, Steve realized that Billy was probably scared. Steve would be too. Imagine being in California while all that shit went down. I mean, sure people knew about AIDS in Hakins, everyone did, but they were so far away from the eye of the storm, so far away even from a city. Steve felt his stomach twist. That was scary. How fast it had spread, was spreading, how little people cared. 

Maybe Steve should have thought about it in more depth, maybe he should have been more guilt ridden about the whole thing. 

Maybe he shouldn't even have asked. 

Steve was well acquainted with death. A girl had died after disappearing from his backyard. He and his friends had all almost died a million times. And you could dislike something someone did all you wanted, but letting them die was fucked up. 

“Sorry.” Steve said, bow furrowed. 

“Don’t… don’t apologize.” Billy said kinda quietly. 

Steve let his hand fall closer to Billy’s between them. He could feel the cool metal of Billy’s rings as Billy split steve finger’s with his own. Steve decided right then and there that holding hands was the coolest things in the whole fucking world. 

Billy squeezed Steve’s hand. Steve squeezed back. 

If Steve asked what he wanted to ask, said what he wanted to say, that was it. That was the point of no return.

-

Billy was used to being in turmoil. Other people’s crisis mode was his day to day, no sweat, he’d b fine if he just white knuckled through it. 

This was different. This was insane. 

Because no, he did not want to fuck a guy. No way in hell, never. He just… coulndt. That wasn't something that was going to happen. Not something he would do.

But there were other things he wanted to do.

But he hasn't slept a full nights sleep in days, feeling like he was on fire thinking about Steve. When they were alone, naturally it was getting more intense, because that would probably help right? But no. It only made it worse. 

So much fucking worse. 

And no amount of cold showers or thoughts about baseball could keep it away. 

Desperate.

Billy was totally desperate.

For more, anything more. Maybe because he could ask for more, Steve would probably do anything he wanted, which terrified him but was also super hot. Steve was a safe bet, too. He’d only ever slept with the one girl. 

_ Don’t be stupid. _

He had to pull out of the sort of frenzy Steve got him in when he was at his house that Friday night, thinks to himself that he couldn't just shove a hand down Steve’s jeans, and even if he actual did they’d have to talk about it or something. There was a line in the sand there. 

But fucking hell, he wanted to so bad. 

He’d started staring at Steve in class. Staring at him in gym, they way his cheeks flushed, the pieces of hair that would escape his bandana, sticking to his forehead with sweat. 

Struggling to keep his eyes on the road when they would go for drives, dancing right whenever he could o watch Steve talk or laugh or smile. 

Still he didn't know what to say. 

They were close by this point, knew the fundamentals of each other, even slightly more. Billy couldn't think of many people who had ever known him better. 

Maybe his mom. 

So much more to know about him had happened since she’d left. 

What would she think?

He knew what he wanted her to think, and what he expected she would think, but what would she really say if she knew?

All that came to mind was a memory from their house in California. The time he’d smashed one of her decorative vases on accident and cried for fear she’d be mad at him. He was probably six. She’d knelt down and whispered, a strong contrast from the loud shattering of the vase, that it was ok. It was an accident, right? Well, then nothing to worry about. Be careful not to bump into tables as much, but an accident. It was ok, she didn’t like that one anyway. We won't mention it to your father. She smiled at him. She looked sad when she smiled most of the time, but not just then. 

_ “You know I love you, Billy.”  _

So maybe.

Just maybe.

If ever he saw her again, if ever she did find out, she wouldn't be upset. She wouldn't think it was his fault. She would just tell him to be careful, and that she loved him.

-

“Is it just me,” Mike started, “Or had Steve been kind of weird lately?”   
“Steve’s always weird.” Lucas didn't even look up.

“Hey, he’s not weird, he’s cool.” Dustin was always quick to defend. 

“I think he’s cool, too, but” Will searched for words. “He does seem a little scattered.”

“Do you think-” Mike began again but max and dustin were exchanging looks and Max blurted:

“It’s his secret girlfriend!”

A collective series of incredulous What's and reallys bubbled up before Max sat up stirght and dove in. 

“Billy told me!” She dug.

“How does he know?”

“Their like best friends or something now.” She replied, trying to seem just a little superior for the believability.

“That’s so weird.” Mike started again.

“People change?” El offered.

“They do. And Billy told me Steve has this secret girlfriend he keep sneaking off to see.”

“Yeah, that checks out.” Lucas nodded sagely.

“Dustin, did you know about this?” Mike turned to him.

“I- uh, you know, it’s uh-”

“Dustin knew. But Steve swore him to secrecy.”

“He did. He did do that.” Dustin nodded. That was all true.

“Why?” Mike kept going at it. “He can trust us! We’re like family.”

“It’s an adult relationship, Mike.” Max rolled her eyes. “It’s complicated. He didn't want too many people to know.”

Mike still looked suspicious. 

“What’s her name?’ El leaned forward.

“We don’t know.”

“Is she nice?”

“She sounds nice.”

“Whatever. As long as Steve’s happy. He deserves a break.”

“Yeah, after your sister broke his heart into a million pieces-”

-

On the last day of high school ever in his life, Steve barely thought about the future. He probably should, he usually did, but the only thing that mattered today was the question he wanted to ask, and the answer he wanted to get. 

This was it. This might be no more school forever. He might never see these people again. He’d forget their faces, forget their names, never think about popularity again if he was lucky. 

And he barely even cared. 

Someone threw a years worth of homework into the air. Steve pushed through the cheering crowd as some got out early, some tried to get through the cloud of seniors and to their next class on time, and it rained sheets of scribbled on and defaced paper. Someone was shouting goodbye. Someone tore down another blue streamer from the ceiling. The bell rang again. The halls started to clear. Steve almost tripped over the debris in the halls before he saw Billy leaning against a wall, cool as you please, right next to the ending machine. 

“Hey,” Steve could barely keep his nerve.

“Hey,” Billy ginned a little. It was a coy challenge to talk directly in public. 

“What are you doing tonight?”

“Probably whatever it is your gonna ask me to do.” 

Steve felt the electric lightness in the pit of his stomach. 

“It’s the last day.”

“I know,” Billy laughed a little “Happy to be out of this shithole-”

“We should celebrate.” Steve let his words hang in the air.

“What, like,” Billy lowered his voice, even on empty halls. “Just the two of us?”

“Yeah. You could stay over. If you wanted. Not like you have to-”

“No,” Billy looked Steve up and down in just his favorite way. “I can do that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool.”

Even the space between them now seemed imaginary. Like a month ago they hadn't been actual mortal enemies. Like they’d been dear friends all their lives. 

More than friends. 

“See you later.” Steve shrugged his backpack higher on his shoulder. 

“See you.”

-

Billy dug through his entire room to actually scrape together enough money to actually buy booze rather than his usual technique of just flat out stealing it. So he had like, fifteen bucks. Not bad. 

For an hour after school Friday he deliberated on what to wear to the point that Max came in to make fun of him.

“Out.” He said again. “Get out.”

“Getting dressed up all fancy?”

“Max, I swear to god.”

“What, I think it’s sweet.”

He threw a discarded shirt at her head.

She laughed and ran off.

He bought champagne. Cheap absolute shit he was sure, but he still felt awkward and dumb doing it. He’d never gone to lengths like this for a girl. 

He had to really play it cool knocking on Steve’s front door, waiting in the twilight trying to seem aloof or whatever when Steve swung the door open and grabbed his arm. 

“Animal House is on!”

“What?”

Steve practically ran down to the basement, almost bodily dragging Billy with him.

“Animal House! It’s like my favorite movie and you said you’ve never seen it and it’s on right now!”

“Steve-”

“Shshshsh you’ll miss the beginning.” He pulled them both down onto the couch. He stopped, looked over at Billy. 

“You look really nice.” 

“Thanks.” Billy almost laughed. 

“Wait,” Steve stopped, took the bottle Billy had been carrying around. “Is this champagne?”

“Yeah.”

“Dude, you didn't have to do that.”

“You said we were celebrating.”

Steve looked up. He smiled. His eyes sort of glittered sometimes when he smiled, they were dark enough to catch the light in a certain way. 

“I did.”

Steve made Billy watch Animal House. Steve explained this was what he was most afraid of missing with not going to school.

“Oh, right, because it would be exactly like this.”

“God, I wish.”

It was a good movie. Stupid, but funny, and oddly satisfying. Happy endings were probably underrated. 

They got tipsy pretty fast since neither had eaten anything all evening, which meant ordering pizza was unnecessarily difficult. Not being able to speak correctly always made Steve laugh, which meant more mispeaking in a never ending cycle of hilarity before Billy took the phone and they finally had food on the way. 

“You have, like, a never ending supply of money, huh?”

“Not for long. I’m supposed to move out within the year if I don't go to school.”

Steve’s parents were not as kind as Billy’d expected them to be.

“What do you parents even do?”   
“Corporate stuff.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, you know,” Steve yawned. “Stocks and shares, profit… margins. These are all words I’ve heard around my house. You hear about meetings sometimes.”

“You really are so dumb.” Billy smiled, half sarcastic.

“Yeah, you know you've said that before.”

“Have I? Wow.” Billy leaned closer. 

They probably would have made out on the basement floor for maybe the twentieth time of that week when the doorbell rang and Steve ran upstairs to get the food they’d ordered.

Billy had switched off the TV, even if it did make Steve’s skin glow all pretty in the multi colored light. He opted for the radio Steve brought down from his room and was flicking through it when Steve got back down. 

They ate and talked for a bit but the song changed and Steve gasped.

“What?” Billy turned. 

“Listen, listen.”

_ Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy… _

“Oh, man.” Billy leaned back. “Steve-”

“Come on.” Steve got up.

_ Caught in a landslide, no espace from reality... _

“Steve-”

“ _ Open your eyes! Look up to the skies and seeeee _ ...” Steve already started, trying to pull Billy up. 

Was he drunk enough for this?

Sure. 

Why not?

-

Steve realized few people in the span of their lifetime woudl get to witness anything as raw and beautiful as two teenage boys, drunk as absolte fuck on cheap sparkling wine, singing and acting out the entirty of Bohemnia Rhapsody in the living room of an empty mansion. When it came on the radio, both realized they had no choice in the matter and for the almost six minutes took it upon themselves to pour their hearts and souls into the song. They almost broke the coffee table in attempts to use it as a stage. It ended in stomach cramping laughter and for the next hours after everything was funny. 

Billy was fun, Steve half realized. He was a riot, a good time when he wasn't being terrible. He said outrageous things, had outrageous stories from living in California, and Steve couldn’t blame him for being bored in this backwater town. Steve grew to miss a place he’d never been to. The way Billy described it, it was a place of eternal sunshine and concrete and smoke and mirrors and street art and beaches where girls wore next to nothing and nights were spent at underground shows where people screamed and smashed bottles and broke bones and smoked weed and got burger’s at In ‘n’ Out late at night and being pissed at the world was in fashion and being alive was the best thing anyone could be.

“And your mom still lives out there?”

“Dunno.” Billy shrugged. “I don’t know where she lives now.”

“Think you’d ever want to?” Steve propped himself up on his elbows on the couch.

“Yeah. But… you know.”

“What?”

“I doubt she’d want to see me.”

“Don’t say that.” Steve sobered a little.

Billy turned his head to Steve, maybe a little surprised.

“You shouldn't say stuff like that to yourself.” Steve set his jaw a little, trying to be articulate while pretty drunk.

Billy sat with that for a second. 

“You know, if someone was as mean to you as you are to yourself, I’d beat the shit outta them.” Steve sat up.

_ Doubt you could take my fucking father in a fight,  _ Billy thought. 

“Steve, you've never won a fight in your life.” he said instead

“Well, I’d give it my best shot.”

“And lose.”

“It’s the thought that counts.”

Billy laughed.

They didn't speak again for a bit, listened to the ad break on the radio and leaned on each other on the couch.

“How long have you known?” Steve asked eventually.

“About?”

“You know what about.”

Billy blew out a breath. “Since I was maybe twelve. Figured I’d grow out of it. Didn’t. What about you?”

“No fucking clue. four weeks ago, I guess.” Steve shrugged. 

Billy turned to him, Steve could smell lingering beer with every exhale. “Really?”   
“Yeah, really.”

Maybe it was bad they were drunk. Maybe you shouldn't say things to people drunk that you wouldn't say sober. Not like Billy could drive home though. Not like Steve would want him to. 

“How are you sure then, that you are, if you only thought about it since four weeks ago?”

“Just am. I still like girls, a lot, but i like you, too.”

“Why?” Billy laughed. 

“Dunno. I think I feel… safe. Around you. Like I’m always having to protect people and stand up for people and shit and I like when you do things like drive me places and hold my books even if it’s like two seocnds. You don’t even do anything sometimes, i just don’t feel so alone. I don't feel like, the weight of the world is on my shoulders, you know?”

“Yeah,” Billy shifted a little closer. “I get that.”

“And your car. It’s a sexy car.”

“Keep it in your pants, Steve.’ Billy tried to tease, but his hands felt heavy. Steve sounded almost… reverent, like he meant what he said more than just saying it. 

“What do you like about me,  _ William _ ?”

“I know you’re drunk, but I need you to never call me that again.”

“No promises.”

They both laughed, in the tired, low way that only drunk teenagers can.

“C’mon, tell me.” Steve turned his head to look at Billy. Billy don't look back, he just kept studying the ceiling. They were both silent for a bit.

“I guess… I guess I like… how much you like yourself. I mean, you’re a loser with no friends, but that doesn't stop you.”

“Yeah, ok.” Steve sat up, only a little irritated, mostly teasing. “You know, I pour my heart and soul out and of course you’re gonna just give me shit-”

Billy put a hand on his shoulder, turning him closer and cutting him off. “You make everything suck less.” Billy said succinctly. “I don’t know how. Kinda wish I did, but. Everything is better, with you.”

Billy could tell he’d stilled Steve. It would have taken anyone else a million years to get through to this part of Billy. It took Steve Harrington three and a half weeks.

“It seems like you respect yourself. That’s why people like you. People always used to tell me about how like, popular and cool you were, you know, King Steve. But you don’t seem like that anymore. You just seem ok with being alive. And I don’t know how, ‘cause that’s not easy to do”

“You know I almost died, right?”

Billy didn’t know that he was surprised. Steve’s weren't fully focused, but he kept talking

“I almost died in November. Right after things ended with Nancy. And you beat the shit outta me. And I’d been spending all this time feeling like shit, and wondering why I still tried to be cool, and you had like, won everyone over from me even before that, and i just thought like, who am i doing this for? I didn’t actually have any friends, people just knew me, and invited me to parties because everyone agreed I was cool, but why? I’m not smart, you’re more athletic, I’m just, you know, “The Hair” Harrington. I’m just me. And I almost died. And I decided I didn’t want to do that anymore. I wanted to do something all my own. I wanted to be my own person. And now,” He looked over at Billy, seeming to register everything about him. “I feel like I am. Or I’m starting to be. At least a little because of you.”

Billy really wanted to kiss him, but he also liked just the closeness by itself. He might have stayed just as he was, breathing evenly, centimeters away from maybe the person he trusted the most in the entire world, who trusted him back.

He wanted to know how. How had Steve almost fucking died? But he didn't need to know. He realized Steve’s world might be as cracked and frayed as his was. Both of them unsure, angry, sad, confused, but trying. Still trying. 

Billy leaned in and kissed him. And it was impossible to kiss just once with the two of them. They were alone in the huge house with almost too much alcohol in their blood but Billy knew for a fact he’d do this stone sober. He’d let Steve kiss his lips, his neck, let himself be pushed back into the couch. He’d probably let Steve do anything. But Steve wasn't like that. Even drunk off his ass he just seemed to want Billy to be happy. When Billy inched his fingertips under the edge of Steve’s t-shirt he pulled the thing clean off. 

“You are such a pretty boy.” Billy sighed. 

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, drives me crazy.”

“Really?”

“Even if the rest of school isn't obsessed with you anymore, I probably am.”

Steve laughed aloud. 

“You would not be saying this if you were sober.”

“I might, who knows. I’m really into you.”

“You realize you’ve seen me naked, right?” Steve smiled sideways at Billy sliding his hands up Steve's bare chest. 

“This is different. Better.”

Every breath they took between kisses seemed to be more laboured and less frequent. Billy couldn’t remember the last time he’d done anything that felt like this. He sort of lost control right then. There was barely space between them for Billy to undo his shirt buttons, Steve pushed the sides of it back, pressing kisses across his collarbone. Steve shuddered when Billy dragged his fingers down Steve’s back- it wasn't intentional. 

This was better than sex, this was something else. Like blacking out or being high as shit or just existing so profoundly it was as if Billy could feel his blood moving through is veins. 

He literally could feel that last part- maybe he wasn't as drunk as he thought - when Steve, too firm to be experimental - pushed a hand between Billy's legs. 

Billy caught Steve's wrist on reflex.

“Sorry.” Steve pulled away suddenly. “Sorry, I- I thought-”

“No, I was just… surprised.”

“I thought- well ‘cause you said… Not anything major.”

“No, yeah.”

“We don’t have to.” Steve sat back on his legs. 

Billy knew he should tell the truth.

“I want to.” 

“Me too.”

Billy let go of Steve’s wrist. 

-

Nothing major. Anything they did would be major for Steve. Anything that was about to happen would change his life, rock his world, he was sure. 

He really fucking wanted that.

He’d never undone someone else’s belt. 

He’d never had his jeans tugged off by someone else. 

He’d never never had someone else call him pretty. 

_ So fucking pretty. _

Billy was stronger than him. He liked that.

Billy pulled his hair, he liked that, too.

Billy walked him through it, gentle and vicious at the same time, reminded him he didn't have to.

_ I want to. _

Was he sure?

_ Yes. _

Billy told him to breathe through his nose.

Steve really liked that part.

But out of all of it, Steve’s favorite part was around 3 am when he had come down enough to register the time blinking green on the clock. 

The room was hot, the air felt thicker.

“You good?”

“Very.”

Nothing happened for a while. Steve just listened to Billy breathe.

“Billy,” Steve whispered.

“Hm?”

“I gotta tell you something.”

“Ok.”

Steve licked his lips. He couldn’t tell the air around them from the mess of couch cushions and spare blankets beneath them, and he wanted to be careful, say something profound and articulate and not too direct of blunt or anything but honestly? Nothing was real in this nowhere-dark of heat and breath and the smoothness of Billy's skin against his. 

“Billy, I...” Steve struggled. He wanted to say it he knew it was true, but he was so so terrified he was even more wrong now than he had been before. Because when Steve loved people, he loved them entirely. He would do anything for them, be anyone they needed him to be. And no matter how hard he tried, it never worked. They never loved him back. Not his parents, not Nancy. He needed someone to be as devoted to him as he was to them. And he couldn’t take another swing and a miss. 

“I... “ He looked at Billy’s outline in the dark, and felt his breath hitch. 

“I don’t know how to tell you this.” Steve tried to start. 

“Are you gonna say you love me?”

Steve thought maybe that would hit harder. Like being caught lying or something. But this felt more like breaking the surface of a pool. Like he could take a breath and be real again.

“Yeah.” Steve might not have said anything. 

“I love you, too.” Billy said quietly. 

Billy didn’t say anything right away. But he sat up enough to lean over Steve, one arm on either side of him, close enough to kiss him again. The pendant on the chain around his neck rested on steve’s chest, warm. Everything about it was warm. Everywhere their skin touched was like getting to breathe after holding your breath. Like lucid dreaming. Like becoming aware that you're alive. 

_ “I love you, too.” _

Steve felt the relief of not being alone. Finally.

He wasn't alone. 

  
  


There was nothing quite like waking up with Billy Hargrove, Keg King and resident bully of Hawkins High, shirtless on the fold out bed in your basement, arm wrapped across your shoulder, legs intertwined with yours. 

Steve had to take several moments to himself to appreciate the sheer weirdness and absolute brilliance of the moment. Like he could reach his hand over to push blonde curls, practically glittering in the morning light from the one high up window, from Billy’s face. He was really fuckig hot, practically twenty four seven, no doubt, but the way his neck was turned and his chest rising and falling and his long eyelashes he was almost… pretty. All the times he’d said that to Steve, did he feel like that too? Boys being able to be pretty must have been some kind of revelation, Steve couldn’t think about anything else for a few seconds. Billy was pretty. So pretty and intimidating it kind of made you want to die. 

-

When Billy woke up, the weight of reality didn't crush him. He didn't feel the world ending, he didn't feel much of anything at first except happy. The warm sort of happiness that makes it so you cant have complex thoughts. Like getting home after hours of being at the beach. 

Blissed out.

Exhausted in the best way.

And with Steve’s frame close against him, with that kind of feeling in full bloom between them, with them, Billy didn't feel like a bad person.

They sat next to each other at graduation. They didn't really talk. They leaned inconspicuously against each other. Clapped and cheered and obtained from clapping and cheering for all the right classmates. 

They went with their respective families after.

They went to different celebratory dinners at different restaurants. 

But around midnight, Billy snuck back over to Stev’s house just to see him.

Just to feel him close again. 

Just to know everything was real.

Everything could get better. 

Everything  _ was _ getting better.

  
  


Good people do bad things for good reasons. 

Seemed to Billy, if you had the right people around you, and the right ideas in your head, you could do good things.

On one of the hot nights with hot winds that finally found it;s way to Hawkins, Steve and Billy climbed up on Steve’s roof.

“Do you know anything about stars?” Steve asked. 

Billy laughed a little. “No.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

They just leaned on each other and looked at the sky.

“Are you staying in Hawkins? WHen summer ends.” Steve asked. They’d been avoiding the question, the two of them. Everyone and their mother knew Steve was stuck here. But what was Billy’s plan?

Billy sighed heavily. “Yeah. I kind of have to.”

“I thought it was shit here, for you, with you know, everything.” Steve waved his hand. 

Billy knew what he meant.

“It is.”

“If it’s that bad, why don’t you leave?”

“Max.” Billy replied easily.

“Max.” Steve repeated.

“I was alone with my father for years. Just a kid, by myself, up against that asshole. Her mom is useless, so someone has to look out for her.”

“You know you used to hate Max.”   
“Yeah, I dunno. I think she just reminded me too much of myself.”

Steve pushed his hand into Billy's.

“That’s not such a bad thing.”

“Only you would think that.”

“Yeah, maybe. You’re pretty terrible.” Steve grinned.

“I will push you off this roof.”

Steve was laughing. It was such a real sound. Like footsteps or car starting or a crowded room. It filled the night sky, and made everything less impossible, less lonely, less shitty. 

It made Billy feel good to hear.

It was the first week of June.

Steve was going to stay in Hawkins, at least until January. He’d get a job at that stupid new mall his dad wouldnt shut up about. He could retake the SAT. He coudl apply to some dumb shit school for the spring semester. He could get out of here, do something new, try again.

But god, would he miss billy. He hated even talking about it. 

“‘Cause, like, I love you, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.”

But what did Billy plan to do? How was he getting out of his own personal hell?

Billy had this idea, he ran it past max in the middle of an early summer night. He’d be 18 soon. He could get a summer job. She could, too, if she wanted. She was old enough. And they could save enough money to get the hell out of this shitkicker town. He knew she cared about her friends, but he could get like, legal guardianship of her or something. They would leave. They never had to come back.

And yeah, Max would love that. But could they really pull that off?

They could try.

Billy angled his arm over, stuck his hand out.

“Let’s shake on it.”

Max shook his hand. She smiled. She hugged him again. He hugged her back. 

They could sure as hell try.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the new one!: 
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/20621075/chapters/48964943
> 
> Enjoy


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